Your Favourite Place

When moments stretched into years
I knew then and there that if I was the ocean
You’ll be the waves
And no matter how big the waves are, how angry and unsettling it is
the ocean will always forgive
Your words, even the unspoken ones
Are etched into my skin like markings
As if to tell the world I belonged to no one else
But to the one who finds me in everyone else but me

But she makes you happy
She makes you so happy
That even my existence is a shadow of her
It was like I am the reflection in the mirror and she is standing right in front of it with her fingers wrapped delicately around your heart
The one thing that I failed to get and the one thing that I wanted the most

But no
She is your favorite everything
Yes I am here, we laughed at everything and you would accidentally call me sunshine because it rained heavily that evening
But she is your world and even though I bend and break myself to keep you around
She is still your favorite space to occupy

I’m sorry I cannot say no
I’m sorry distance couldn’t keep me away
You don’t want this but then why let me stay?
I begged you “please let me go”
You just nodded “If you say so”
I know what we are but most of all I know what we’re not
And I know where you are right now
You are everywhere else that I am not

– c.n

not your miracle, just a girl
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