You Ruined Me

I’m sick of how attached I am with the ghost of you
How whenever I visit Memory Lane, what used to be seemed to get better and better
You have ruined any potential love that I will ever have
You have shown me how it felt to love someone who is broken
You have shown me pleasure in pain
You have shown me imperfections and acceptance

But I knew why it ended
I knew why I refer to us in past tense
I’m just tired of bracing myself
I’m just exhausted from overthinking
And questioning people’s intentions
I couldn’t possibly climb out of the walls that has kept me safe all these years
I couldn’t face the real world

Once upon a time my heart was a playground and even when people would get hurt
The playground is always open for enjoyment
But you taught me how to take care of myself
You taught me how to be resilient, how to be tough
And how to be careful with the word “I love you”

You handed me my first brick
You promised to keep me company
Just the two of us

But you had a secret door to escape
And I have no idea how to free myself from something that I built with my own hands

I’m just floating through life
Always second guessing reality and truth

You ruined me

– c.n

not your miracle, just a girl
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