You, again.

It’s you again.

Who made me feel of so many different feelings. It’s the same person all over again. I don’t know if it is right to blame it to you that it’s all your fault. Eventhough to me, it is indeed your fault.

It’s hard to me lately. I keep on thinking about you non-stop. I keep thinking of you to find the truth behind all this everyday that it’s almost make me cry. But, in case to let you know, before I start writing this, I already cried my eyes, thinking about you. All these feels for you.

Do you want to know how I feel?

Wanting to talk to you, wanting to see you, remembering all those old days with you its so hard.

All these year, I keep reminding myself that I should get rid of those special feelings I had for you. I need to go out to be happy, meet many people, and doing something that I want to do. But, what is worse my heart literally can not get rid of you. Whenever I think about that, I always want to cry. I need to stop thinking about you, I need to stop for having these feelings for you.

My heart feel so heavy. I want to stop.

It’s very first time for me, to have someone in my heart for a long time. I’ve been so loyal to this feeling yet you still dont know about it and I don’t know yours too. This is what have been in my mind lately. Am I still the girl that won your heart? Or have your heart change to another girl? Because I believe one heart can change in so many ways.

Damn, it took me so long to continue this. I’m so sorry. I can’t help but to think the old memories.

My eyes are wet and my head hurts so much and I feel weak.

I dont know anymore what to write.

I want you to know this but I know you won’t be able to read this. I tried so hard to act strong, to act that I never had any feelings like this. I also dont know to who I should tell my feelings because I dont really trust many people. So I thought, by writing this here, the heavy in my heart will be less than before. By writing all I feel here, I could stop to overthink every day.

One thing for sure, I trust my own feeling. I believe in Allah’s plan for me is really that matter. Whatever happen, I will just follow the flow and accept the reality. Indeed, good people will end up with good people.

p/s: a song that i recommend to listen “Sudah” by Afgan.

I write about life too often.
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