“Daddy, why did they call you Wan step back then?” My daughter asked.
“Well, how about you get my journal, the red one, and let’s see if I can remember” I replied.
“Okay Daddy!” She ran up the stairs with her little feet.
My name is Syazwan, and I’m sitting at a corner of my house because I just slammed my forehead on a very thick teak door. You see, the thing is, and I have no idea why, I always miss one step.
Like it or not, most things in life are governed just steps. Nothing too complicated if we remember life is about the steps. little steps connected to big steps or the other way around. But steps, my friend, is what we always take for granted. We always carelessly go through life like it’s just there for us but sometimes we forget about the steps that matter. For me, that happens every day.
Opening a door is simple enough for most people, but not for me. I put my hand on the knob, and walked through. I forgot one step. I forgot to turn the knob around.
Sometimes it’s harmless.When I was smaller, I used to miss some patches to be coloured and as I grew older it was common for me to miss writing a paragraph in an essay or turning off a computer,and sometimes I even miss turning it on. I’ll often forget packing my charger, or if I don’t, I’d forget my wires. I have to stick them together now but then I’ll forget both. Not all mistakes are so innocent, of course. Sometimes I forget to press the brakes, pay for my meals, or turning off the ceiling fan when I’m cleaning it.
I have devised a system to deal with all this, the trick is to put do extra steps and hopefully I’ll forget all the little-little steps I have invented. But of course, I’d sometimes miss this step, but really what can I do?
If I need to drive, for example, I’d unlock the car before pressing the brakes and I always press the brakes well before I need to. It became a habit. I’ll press on the brakes more than once.
Or if I need to write an essay, I”d always make it a point to write another meaningless paragraph after one actual paragraph and hope I’l forget that. At the end of the essay, I’d just cancel off all the unnecessary paragraphs. Although, of course, I would sometimes forget this too.
Yes, it’s a struggle, but we each have our own.
“And that, sayang, how I was 10 years ago” And I closed the journal.
“How about mommy?”
“Well, sayang..” I said as Sarah puts down the tray of tea..
Today is the last day of my exams and I almost missed the first paper because I forgot to write it down on my schedule. I’m lucky because I wrote it down in three pieces of paper and each of them I would forget to write the schedule of one paper. Just one.
I sat down and occupied myself with sketches that I hope would include another one thing that I would forget. I always make it a point to come early, in case I miss a step or forget something. It turns out, that day I really did forget something.
I forgot my stationery. I tried to keep calm but there was a minute until the clock starts ticking. I raised my hand and whispered to myself “I don’t have a pen!”
It was more of a muffled scream, really.
“Hey, it’s okay. I brought a an extra pen” A girl from the next table handed me two pens.
Sarah, was her name. I have never met her before. She was from a different faculty. We went out after my paper and Sometimes I’d spell her name Arah or Srah, forgetting to write one letter. She would spell my name Syyazwan or Syazwann but that’s just how it is.
“Mommy always takes one extra step. Always.” I continued.
“Besides sweetheart, love is not a series of steps. It’s one big leap and sometimes you don’t even notice” She said and touched her cheeks.
And there we sat talking about a missed past and a more missing future, with four cups of tea for the three of us.