12AM. Most people at this time are waiting for a phone call from a significant other or maybe are on the phone with their significant other. This is the time where people like to disclose about their feelings so it explained why a meaningful phone conversation happened at this hour.
But for me, this one phone call that I received at this hour, is the phone call that stir up all my emotions. I don’t know if I’m happy, angry, disappointed, relieve or I just being too emotional. This one phone call. The phone call that I always waiting for.
We often heard “I’m just one call away”. But there’s a lot of emotion and reminiscing happen if I make this phone call. The past will come and it will be lingering in my mind. Is it the past that I should blame? Or is it this is all just my ego that stopping me from making that call.
Growing up without this man is hard for me. He still alive, but he’s not here. Everyone seems to have this special bond when they grow up with this man they called their Superman, but for me I can just watch from afar. My Superman rarely to be seen.
Everything was fine in the first 10 years. I bottled up my feelings because I believe I’m a fighter so I’ll fight and I’ll just ignore this feelings.
Once I turned 20 years old, this feeling of longing for this love is stronger. I get jealous with everyone who have this kind of bond. It is so special that anyone couldn’t replace it.
I can’t no longer ignore this feeling. It is here for me to acknowledge it. But I don’t know how and what should I do.
A year I received less than 10 phone calls from this person. Each phone call will last about 2 minutes. A year I get to talk 20 minutes through phone call.
Face to face? I get to see this person once a year. Every time I see this person we only talk for 5 to 10 minutes. But I don’t know what to do anymore.
I feel like we have a lot to talk. But our mouth feel like it have been sealed. So tight that there’s no word we can utter when we meet.
Even a simple “How are you?” couldn’t come out from this mouth.
I am at this point to just accept my destiny. That my relationship with my Superman will be like this. But to my Superman, please know I love you and thank you for bringing me up to this world. You may not always here to teach me about this world, but that’s okay I learned it myself.