Three Seconds

*Long pause* as I looked down from the third floor while I was standing outside the class. My eyes met his for three seconds and for the first time, I felt that the time stopped for the longest time. It was my first year during diploma and that was the first and the last our eyes met. It was almost towards the end of diploma years and I was in my senior year struggling with all the strength that I had that time to make sure that I have the quality and chances not just to further my studies in degree but as well as to enter one of the local universities that provides me the course that I’ve always wanted. Journalism. Two and a half years being in the same class with him, I could count with my fingers on how many times I’ve talked to him.

Him being the friendliest person in campus, I have no doubts on why many people like to be around him. It was almost like he has the magnetic field that could attract anyone without him knowing about it. What’s there left to be blamed about? He has this vibe where even when he is not talking, it feels like nothing would go wrong. Safe. That’s the word. You will feel so safe around him you will even question yourself when you need to walk away from where you’re sitting next to him. Anyone who knows him would understand that there will be no pressure being with him such as having to take care of the image, or worrying whether you have the same IQ as his and such. Nothing. As much as I can talk about how naturally he is, during that time, I can only stare or observe him from far and I’ve been doing that since the first day of my diploma years.

It was a wrap for our final project and I was one of the ten members assigned by the lecturer to be in the same group with him. As I was waving my hand signing goodbyes to all of the members I rushed in the car getting ready to head back to my dorm. I was reluctant to say my goodbye to him or to wave at him even more. I was pretending that my act was a form of saying goodbyes generally to everyone and as I locked the door and was about to hit the engine, I saw a hand touched the window of my car. I don’t have to look who was the person because I knew it was him. I was so confused and out of nowhere, I put my hand at the window where it seems like I was touching his hand. If only I could touch it but the window was blocking us. Until now, I didn’t understand what had happened and why did I go with the flow.

Till the last day of our diploma years, I still could not figure out why I didn’t have the courage to talk to him. Even more, why was I the only one that felt like he treated me differently from the rest. I could recall the time where he sat right in front of me but he was only talking to the person next to me when he turned back. Or when he texted me only when he needs answers for the upcoming tests and finals. I hate the fact that I knew so much about him. How he will rub his face while he thinks or when his eyes get smaller every time he laughs. I know how much he loves bomber jackets and how he will go to the events that involves many writers. Besides, he has three exact same blue colored t-shirt where he will only wear when he has a presentation.

Until then I have only realized that I was already falling for him. Throughout these years not talking for a long time to each other, silently, I already knew many things about him. Probably even the things that others didn’t realize. I looked at the ground, with a grudge that I should have had noticed that earlier. I guess, I was just a little too late and both of us already had our own paths. All I did that day was waved my hand to him as a sign of goodbye and walked away. Though he didn’t give any reactions to it, I was already stepping ahead a little bit further than I should. Now, it’s all about focusing on what’s next.

Sitting quietly in the waiting room with few other people before my name being called for my interview on why they should take me as student in their university, my heart was already beating faster than it should. As I turned my head to the left, a guy came in and our eyes met. This time, I believed it lasted more than just 3 seconds. It was HIM. He sat next to me and we looked at each other. “Thank god I chose this university”. That was what he said. As I was about to say something, he cuts me off by saying “I took too long to have the courage to approach you and I’m not going to let myself sink in again. Whatever it takes, I want you to know that if you could ever give me a second chance to redo everything again, can I take it from the start and just make sure that you would fall for me?” “I already did. Since the day our…” “Since the day I saw you standing on the third floor looking at me from above. I knew. I’ve always knew.”

I'm bad when it comes to expressing myself through talking but through writing, I'm able to share everything about me, about what I feel and about what I should feel.
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