You come to a point where you just know the drill.
First the excitement, infatuation, longing for each other 24/7. Then comes the real part, when it all starts to fade, no matter how good you click, it all starts to tone down slowly. Just as you’re about to think, “okay, maybe this time it’ll work, this is just a phase, its not always rainbows and butterflies” but that’s when it all becomes worse.
It always ends up with you giving your best effort because you’ve always believed if you want something, at least try your best to get it.
It always ends up with you leaving a big wet patch on your pillowcase, and a sleepless night you’ve endured to take the pain away.
Of course, when you tried your best and it didn’t work out, maybe it’s just not for you. And if the both of you are meant to be together, you’ll eventually meet again at a better time. Or worst comes to worst, probably never again.
Easy to understand, hard to accept, hard to grasp.
Honestly I’m just getting tired of it. Tired of not knowing whether to stop or keep trying. Tired of always having to end up hurting, while the other person isn’t even affected by anything.
However I understand, you don’t own anyone. You can’t force someone to stay when they don’t feel the same, and when they want to leave. You have to let them go.
And I did. I always do. Because nothing is worse than begging someone to stay when they don’t want to.
But after everything I’ve felt, I just want someone to reciprocate the effort I give. Someone who wants me to stay as much as I want them to. A person who appreciates me, the good and the bad, accepts me for who I am and my flaws.
Hopefully good things will eventually happen with the person in my mind. If not, hopefully I wouldn’t have to deal with many more heartbreaks till I find the one that would hold my hand through it all.