Someone that I call; Mine

My lovely,
I know you used to have that thought where I’m so into love story that have been created in movies and novels but what I always do and says to you does not related to any of those. I know I look so good in writing ( but doesn’t mean I’m a sweet talker ) What I feel about you-I never felt to anyone else. How I treat you now-I never treated others with that much pleasure. And the way that I love you-me myself and I, never expected that my love towards you will be so countless. Can the love that I felt for you be compare to millions stars on the sky? No, not even half.
You always questioning the way I feel about you.
“You’re the only one that ever make me feel this way.” This what I told you, everytime.
“Why?” You asked.
I always say “I will tell you later” and yes, I think this is the right times to make you understand.
My love, you must be more than just human. For me, you’re the second most angelic person I’ve ever met ( its because my parents are number one ). To know that a person like you do exist, I pray my everyday that well at least God give me a chance to get to know person like you. But instead God’s plan are way much better. He shows me-you. He open my heart, for-you. He lends me-you. He gifted me-you.
You’re the reason why I feel nothing whenever I visited my memories-land. And I never feel any regret at all. As I walk every path that I used to take, every choices and mistakes, every broken heart that mend and heal. I look them back and I’d smile. I look at myself, how fool I am trying to fix the relationship I used to be in, crying myself out over low life guy, lose every second of happiness that I will never have back because of my own stupidity, yet I’d still smiling. I open the door that I used to closed, the opportunity to make myself better and now I’m sure I pick the right key, well its you. Mistakes make me grow and I can smile till my face hurts now. You know why I’m smiling? Its because I know now, think back of the times and all the dreams I left behind, every steps that I take in my past is my long way to find-you.
It was before, past few years;
I broke someone’s trust, they broke mine in return. I put someone in pain and that they put me in pain as well. I hurt someone’s heart and they hurt mine too. As they cheating on me, I cheated on them back. It’s a cycle of revenge cause waiting for karma needed more time than I expected, so I got to do it by myself. Can be say that, love is a game who can hurts who more. But my precious, you show me how it feel to love with-no conditions. That it ain’t my fault to fall so deeply with someone. And it’s never wrong to put my fully trust over someone. Beside, it’s not a bad thing to make a promise to stay to love forever. I always think that there’s no such thing-pure-love-in this world. That people are meant to hurt each other. I used to have goals in me, to punish others for every ache that I received. I’m so mean, before. I make people fall in love with me because it is part of my plan to make them suffer-to share my wounds, misery and stitch with them. For goodness sake, you show me. You recover, you rebuild what have been destroyed inside of me.
You must be the closest thing to an angel, my dear. I’m so glad that I was blessed to get to have you in my life. You always have that beautiful things inside of you. Your kindness-I bet everyone can see that in you. Even when my own friend told me “Yeah, your boyfriend is so kind. He really does”
I smile but I didn’t know how to react with this kind of compliments especially when its all about-you. I’m happy yet I drunk in my own jealousy too. Isn’t it fool to get jealous over that small things? The only reason why I feel that way is because-I’m scared. Even everyone can see how delightful you are. You didn’t have any clue that anyone can falls for you and everything beautiful that you have. You didn’t notice you just lighten up everyone’s life with your indulgence and your generosity. It was first you shine your parent’s life as the first day you came into this world. And well, I hope noe for last. You become my unclouded, shinny and flashing light for the rest of my life.
I know how kind you are. I know you, my love. Even when your friends asked you a favor, you never says no. Works that you and the others should do together, but you do everything by your own. When they asking for help, you always pick up the slack for them. Even I pissed off when you help your friend and they didn’t have a time to thanks to you; even it just a small words but it is so hard to say? I get mad because I want everyone to appreciated you too. Instead you, just say “its okay” and smiled. You’ve been so good. For this I’m sure, you must be a flashlight for them too. It was beyond beautiful that you care about the bond that you have with your friends, to always think about your parents, how much you annoyed by your sister but you loves her more than yourself could ever imagine-I can see that through your eyes everytime you talks. The thing is, you always be there for everyone that you care and who’s will be there for you when you need someone the most?
So that I decided from the first day you take me as yours, I vowed to myself to always stick by you through worst and better day in your life. Eventhough I’m not strong and good as much as you but I will be there for you. I will and always.
I can’t see how’s my life right now without you. You’re my bestfriend as well as my lover. I didn’t know which side of you that I enjoyed the most, so I treasure both side as we live our life together. And I discover that two-wasn’t the only side of you. I found that you have many side that makes me loves you even more. I know now, you’re more than a bestfriend and lover. You’re my-brother, human diary, my first supporter, my second parents, my little clingy dude, my gossiping-gal, my other half, my galaxy, my mirror because you reflect me and you’re my whole world. You’re everything more that I could ever show.
I’d still remember the day I told you my deepest secret. I remember the look of your eyes, how you trying so hard to keep those tears. I’m glad that I told you. Since that day, I’m getting stronger than I thought. Now and till then, I will always remember all the strength you gave to me cause your love make me make it through, I owe that so much to you. I have no fears now. Fears of losing myself because I know I always have you, you right here for me, always. You will always be wherever I need you, I know.
I know whenever I need someone to talks to, you always got my back. Since I’m with you, I won’t mind to have no friends. Who needs untrusted friend when I have my loyal listener and advisor? I know I can trust you, can talk anything to you-about the bitch that I hate, how bad my day has turned out, about my family, about me especially, I know you will be by my side. Sitting next to me, listening carefully. Eventhough we get to know each other in short times but I feel like I know you for-forever it takes. I feel more comfortable to be myself around you. To show the darkest side of me-clingy-irritating-unstopable eater-overthinker-get jealous easily-easily cry-judge everything by its cover-as you see. None of things inside of me aren’t really that pretty but you treated me like I’m not one of that. You fixed me. You appreciated me, take me the way I am, you show me that I’m beautiful, even makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. Through my ugly days, you compliment me every each day with no less. You make me bloom, make me have trust in myself. For that I want to say-thank you.
And yes,
You really care about me. Whenever I started to look different you will ask “are you okay?” Even you can sense my mood through the look of my face. You won’t stop asking until I tell you why I’m sad and why I get mad. Its because you want to know your fault so you can fix them. That-always be the good things about you. Instead of running away from the problems that we had, you choose to fix everything. You choose to fight. You acting this way, I didn’t know how to unlove you if suddenly you decided to leave me. I can’t stop myself from loving you more every seconds, minutes, hours and days. Sometimes I really thought you deserve someone better than me but then I realized, I could not love anyone than you. I being so selfish and mean to you, isn’t it? But still you say I’m the best thing ever happened to you. After all the bad things I put you through you, still see the best in me. For that I want to say-thank you.
You know how much I love to eat. You give me foods in a way to make me happy. You know I always complaining about how I started to gain weight and lose my shape. I’m getting fat, I’ve no curve in me anymore. My body aren’t pretty as before. I’ve to squeeze into my jeans, my clothes getting smaller, my face are getting rounder. But I just can’t stop eating because I just love it. But then, you always know how to make me feel better. “I still love you the same even you getting fat or not” that’s what you said. But the thing is, I want to be the prettiest girl in your eyes. I promise I will eat less and start to workout soon. I won’t be perfect as barbie doll but at least I want to be someone you can proud of by saying “that’s my girl”. But you never asked me to change its because you love me now, for who I am. Not because of my appearance. Its because that girl was me. I’m sorry for being this messy girl of yours but you always love me unconditionally. For that I want to say-thank you.

I know I tend to ask you the question that I already know the answer, everytime.
“What are you doing late at night? Who’s you texted to? Why did you keep playing with your phone? Who are you be with right now? Do you love me? Did you cheated on me? Do I make you feel annoyed?”
I know you mad sometimes. I’m sorry. But I just can’t control myself from being this stupid girl when it comes to you. I realized I love you more than my heart could do. Its because I’m afraid of losing you. I know my clingy attitude sometimes makes you drown, isn’t it? But you-and always you, know how to cheer up the situation. You just know what to say and how to handle with my insecurities and my jealousy. You were born to loves me, for now I’m sure that cause nobody ever loves me the way you do. Future ahead us might unpredictable but you promise me to go through the future, together. No matter what happened, you promise me that you will take me as your wife, as soon as possible. For that I want to say-thank you.

My dear,

I love you.

I really love you, Mohamad Aidill.

For many things about you, inside and out.

For making me a better person, changed me from nobody to somebody you love. For changed me-someone that heartless to someone that have so much loves in her heart.

You never know how much I thanked God everyday, for sending me-you. How I feel so blessed that I end up with someone like you. I’m so thankful that my past relationship didn’t worked out cause if they do, I might not have the chance to meet you. I didn’t know how many times I want to say this; you’re perfect in your own way.

People can’t believed that I’ve changed since I met you. They say “he’s lucky that you choose him.”

“No” I said. “I’m the one who lucky that he choose me to be part of his life” I told them and I smiled. They kind of speechless when they hear me saying those words, I don’t know why. But its true. It’s all because of you.

Maybe you think yourself just ordinary-person but for me you always more than that. I can learn so many language I want to, but still I can’t find the perfect words to describe how much you meant to me. I had enough with heartbreaks that I have before and I think it times to settle the score. I’m 100% sure now, I want to build my future with you. As long as you’re here by my side, I don’t mind go through every hurricanes and maves, thunder and storms of our life. Because as long as I’ve got you, I will always have the strength to carry on. 

My dear,

If life gives you troubles that it makes you feel sink deep down the ocean, take my hands. I know I’m not strong enough but you have two hands with you and I have two hands with me, as we holding on tight, nothing can come between us. I promise to pull you up, I promise to share my strength with you so you can stand with your own feet and I promise I won’t let you drowning, alone.

If you need a warmth feeling whenever you’re down or cold, come into my arms. Its always available for you anytime you need it. I promise I will ease your pain, I will feel the hurt you feel inside. You’re part of me so if you’re sick and the ache burdens you, I will feel it too. I’ll go through the cold weather and reach out for you so I could give you warm embrace. Till then, don’t freeze.

If you feel nobody there to understand you, speak to me. Everyone might gives you problems, headache and makes you go through difficult times but I promise you I’lls be the one that will makes you says “my days are better when she’s here”. I’m not really good in giving advices but I think I know how to make you feel better. I can cook for you. I can sing for you. I can be your clown. I can make you laugh. I can be your little monster. Say anything and I’ll be the one. So please, if things get hard, just come to me.

The thing is,

I wish I was strong and reliable like you. I wish I was good enough for you.

Thats what I’m trying to do now cause I want to be as good as you so nobody can’t compare us. So that people think that I deserve to have you, that I treated you so well.

I love you.

I’m suck talking in person so I wrote you this, in hope you can feel the sincerity in my writings. 

And yes, thank you.

Thank you for everything since the first day.

Thank you for become the unexpected-person-in my life. Before we came together, I moved through life without meaning, without reason. I know that somehow, every step I took since the moment I could walk was a step to finding you. And I’m sure what I’m going to do with my future now;

Make my parents proud-be educated-get a job-be happy

And always be first,

Get married-have kids-have a good life-with you❤

I love you and always do, a little more after forever.


Princess with no power.
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