some things are just meant to be untitled

It was 3.25 am when I started crying
The tears flowed down like rain droplets racing on the window pane
I tried to keep it silent.
my chest heaved harder and harder, containing the scream that is just waiting to burst
I rolled on my bed and sat facing the wall
and I swallowed my scream with an inaudible cry
I put my head against the wall
eyes sealed shut, trying to stop the never ending salty droplets
my hand not moving from trying to contain my the movements of my chest
but it didn’t help
I still cried hard.

My hands clutched my hair in a tight grip
Everything was banging
My brain felt like it was going to bulldoze itself free from my skull
I rolled back on the floor
Why can’t I stop the tears from falling?

Another inaudible cry
A silent scream
wanting to get something out but unable to make a single noise
I might wake people up
they must never know how I’m feeling inside

It’s 3.45, my tears have slowed down
I’m staring into nothingness infront of me
Nothing but the darkness of our room
while she sleeps on the bunk bed by the window
I sit, cross-legged in mine
eyes faded straight into nothingness
while my body sways left and right
my throat clenches back something vile
my mind was rebooting

3.57 am
the tears
they’re back again
they’re two rivers down my cheeks again
they’re waterfalls with seemingly no end

And Im back on my bed
as I stare at the lower part of the upper deck of my bed
letting the salty drops roll off my cheek
making a wet stamp around my head into my bed sheets
and I stayed there

It’s 4.20 am
The tears have stopped.
My brain is still trying to escape
my nose clogged
my eyes sore and swollen
my hair spread loose
flowing freely wherever it pleases

4.40am
And I find myself thinking
Why was I crying?

It’s 4.45 am
I stared into the nothingness
my face blank, my eyes clouded
and I felt
empty.

I am empty.

I write nonsense, really. None of it makes any sense
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