Slippery slope

Are you listening?
Are you there?
May I ask you to keep me company?
I promise to be good
Just,
Hear me out on this just one more time
Do you ever hear about haptic memory?
The memory specific to touch stimuli
Like when I touched your hands without seeing them I know they’re yours
Amazing isn’t it?
I still remember the tip of your fingers
Sometimes cold, sometimes warm
Wrapped in mine
Always
Okay I might be exaggerating
But hey, I remember how it felt
I mean how it used to feel
It’s memory in general isn’t it?
Like my memory of you
Fond, folded, kept, buried
Never forgotten, hardly off my mind
The good and the bad
The memory that keeps me alive
Building a wall around me
A wall to keep anything from coming close
I love it
Because of it, I feel guarded
I feel safe
I feel like I’d never be hurt
Like it used to pain me
Those pain and agony
I crave them
You know why?
Because they remind me what I had
What we had, was real
Lately, I feel like they’re fading
Like I start to lose them
Like I’m ill-equipped to erase them
It’s dreading
I’m not ready to let go
I’m not ready for new pain
What if it’s agony now, and hell later?
At least with agony, I know it passed
I mean how can I let go the pain,
If it’s the only way I know that the love was sincere?
I want to relive it you know
I want to feel what I used to feel
God knows I miss it
God knows I miss you
Perhaps living in flashback
Experience it again
Even with the inevitable doom
I’d do it again
Over and over again
But it’s impossible
Not going to happen
Not with my luck
Please don’t go
Stay
Even it’s only in my head
Be there
I need you
Even though you’re imaginary
And I’m anonymous
I still need you
It’s okay
I’m fine to just being the guy who never move on
I’m fine with it
I am
I really am

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