Let us not talk about what if , or only if because obviously that is not going to happen. The more we grieve about it , the distance with are with reality. Right now we both know, there is nothing can be done here. We can’t move to the right ; a best friend and a girlfriend will hurt so much , we can’t move to left either – a boyfriend and best friend will get effected by it. All we can do here is, keep going as what it is and until someone put a full stop or a situation happen that require us to break apart – only then we have no choice but to stop seeking for each other.
I don’t know what you are to me, and I don’t know if I could live with you, I don’t know if you is what I really want , I don’t if in you is what home feels like , I don’t know if between this ; is there love or a pure comfortability. You always at the back of my mind. I keep wondering if you already back from office , are you meeting your girl afterwards , how is it your feeling towards her, how was your work , what is your next plan , what are you up today , is there something new happen. All sort of things … I know , I know I am the second one to know those news and update , and I know you have to repeat again the story and I know you are enjoying the feedback from 2 different person. And I don’t know what to do about it , I don’t what should I feel.
All I know is , I am looking forward to go out with you again , I am waiting for your call, I can’t think of no one but you to share silly jokes with , I am happy talking to you , I always re-read the old text for as long as I haven’t delete it yet , I love to look at your picture in Instagram over and over again. Is it too much if I say I sometimes picture a marriage life with you ?
Months had passed and we still here.
When the day comes , the day when we have to break apart ; I will tell you how precious you are to me. I will tell you how I wanted more than this , how I can’t keep you out of my mind. I will cry a river to you, and I don’t mind that. I will hold your hand first, and I will put a side my ego this time.
And I will call you Sayang for one last time.