Have you ever felt that you are alone eventhough there are sooooo many people around you ? The question that I always thought. Finding the answers are not easy because you will overthink even the smallest problems you have.
I’ll end up falling because I keep blaming myself because I did not open up to people – blaming them for not understanding me while I am the one that kept all my problems to myself . It is not that easy to tell your story to others when you had been so quiet all your life.
When that one person come to your life and you thought that maybe I can put my trust and spill out what I had been kept but you know I fail because theres something that went wrong and you know its better to keep it . Crying yourself to sleep because thats the only way that can help you – away from the reality because you are too tired to even think.
Scare of the reality and keep thinking what will happen in the future, what will people say to you. Can you handle this when you are alone ? Can you still be strong for yourself when others do not have a clue what it feel and they think that you are fine when you are breaking into pieces – just because you still smile and laugh like nothing happen.
The minute you are in your room, you know something aint right. you turn off the lights – lay down and close your eyes. Theres like a scene that playing around in the dark and you can feel that tears streaming down your face. You know theres nothing you can do so you sleep.
Next morning, you wake up and think that everything is fine and you are okay – but still deep deep inside you know you are not okay so the routine keep repeating.