“Can we start over?”
She sipped her coffee and had a deep gaze through the window. She looked back at her coffee cup she’s holding before telling her answer.
“How could i, H, how could i? I loved you, and to a certain extent perhaps i still do but how could I let myself to be in the same story again, heading for the same ending again?
How are you going to prove me that you’re not gonna run away when things are difficult?”
“But you were the one who ran away first, telling everyone that we broke up.” he defended.
“Because you treated me like I was your ex. You treated me like I was no one in your life. One day you were telling me how you loved me and the next day we weren’t talking to each other at all. What the hell was that? Up to this day I still had no idea what went wrong, what did I do wrong.”
Tears started to fill her eyes, but it’s obvious she’s holding it in.
“Every single day for the past few years I went to sleep thinking of what could’ve went wrong in our relationship and I woke up every single day with one possible explanation yet I still don’t know which one of them is true.” she stopped and tried to avoid his eyes.
“I’m sorry D, I’m sorry.” he told her in a low voice.
She gathered her strength and looked at him in the eyes. “Look, I know I must have done something wrong for you to be acting like that but why didn’t you tell me anything, H? Why can’t we talk it out like normal people do?
I lived every single day of my life wondering what was my fault and I could give you 100 possible reasons to tell you I’m sorry that I acted like that but none of them matters if you don’t actually tell me which one exactly. The only plausible reason was… that you never even loved me in the first place.”
She quickly wiped the tears at the corner of her eyes and had another sip of coffee to calm her down.
People were coming in and out of the cafe. The waiter might have noticed that the air was tense around them. He kept quiet for a while and said, “I was afraid you couldn’t accept it if I point out what you did wrong. We were both immature and we both had our pride and ego.”
“You didn’t even try H, you didn’t even try.”
“I did. You just couldn’t see that it was wrong.”
She looked down, holding her tears in but he knows her too well.
“That’s okay D, we both made mistakes. We were young and immature. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry H, I’m truly sorry to you too. I wish we could start over as well. But I just.. I have no confidence in myself. What if I mess up again?”
“It’s okay I know you can do this, I know we can.” he told her as he gave her a smile.
And that is how she imagined the conversation would go a few years back. Only that it didn’t because he never told her the first sentence. And with that, she carried her broken heart and lived.