My ungrateful rant

I always said my life is enough and im so blessed with everything but let me just vent out all negativity tonight, im so tired of keeping it all inside for quite some time. Please let me free my mind

1. Im good or actually average, the best in my class but not good enough compared to my friends in real life. And every single night i wish i’ll be better and push myself harder but the next day im still the lazy me doing the same routine refused to move out from my comfort zone. But you know complaining about this kind of thing to my current closest friends they’ll just said how ungrateful i am because im better than them in most aspect so with that i’ve to swallow every pain thinking mine is better than them but hey readers at some point we all have our own disappointment where we weren’t able achieve our target, can’t you let us be sad?

2. I’ve a very loving family but they actually know nothing about me, they dont know how wild my social life is, they dont know how i think freely about everything without the boundaries of faith, im afraid about how fake i am towards every single person interact with everyday and letting myself out is not actually a good decision, you know those quotes about “dont be afraid to be yourself”? But darling some wise action you have to take for your own future is keep yourself hidden or one day people use the old you to ruin you.

3. I love this one guy out of lust, i knew exactly what i felt for him. He’s bad for my life but good enough as my escape from reality. I hate his girlfriend because she’s quite nice but she took him from me. I have no problem having another one but i want someone like him and to actually open up like both of us do might take years for me. So in the end i just want him despite the fact he had girlfriend, but he never stick to one either.

4. I know my prayers are messed up, i still pray but i felt nothing, i read nothing i actually pray for nothing, but i still do, but i don’t know why i just love talking to my own god but still questioned his existence

This side of me i dare to show, because you're just a stranger :)
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