Miss You Proper

how do i
teach myself to not want.
have i not done all that i can fuck i went
from begging you
to begging myself.

and it wears me out
to speak so loudly of you.
to speak of you at all.

see me
bleed out and splatter i’ve been
clawing at myself.

ask me again about the poems
like i need reminding that it was you in all of them.
like i aint aware
that i still am very much in love but i swear

i’d pick us up
and write it as it is.
all gritted teeth and bloody knuckles.
most hideous
wretched form of affection.

fuck the patience and all that comes with it

im scared
that i cannot miss you proper
always a few breath shorter
a few cuts deeper but i pray
to be pulled out of ruins
no matter how mangled.
breathe my way out of rubbles.
and undrowned
myself from your name i’ll clean
my bloody lungs off of them i swear
that i want them gone.

Cant do debate cuz I often forget where my point is going. Also cuz I stutter. Mainly cuz I stutter.
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