Memories

By: Sippiman

His footsteps were heavy. Breath came in short bursts. His mind was in a mess. So many things had happened that brought him to this single time and place. There’s something dead about the way he felt now. Looking at the night sky while he walked, he felt the night all around him. The sense of loneliness surrounding him and bringing him down with it…

It is January 17th 1992. He is only 18 when she catches his eye. He is in a birthday party with many of his friends, but this single moment will mark out what his life will be full of for many years of his life to come. She seems like a nice girl, not the kind you find at clubs and bars. The kind of girl that knows how to have fun but still reserves her dignity and manners. Something compels him to talk to her. He walks up with little confidence but still finds himself compelled to say something or his whole life would’ve been a waste if he missed this opportunity. He strikes up a conversation with the weirdest accent he had every heard come out of his mouth.

“Hi”, he says…

It’s been so many years since that moment. Thinking about it only makes his heart feel heavier. That awkward hi had begun the creation of so many memories of the times he had with her. Tonight the world seemed empty; it was as if he was alone. She was gone, and now all he was left with was memories. Memories that would haunt him for the rest of his life…

It is mid-December 1993. This was their first year together as a couple. Although many had doubted their capability to last together as a couple, they had made it. Despite the fights, the apparent difference of interests, the different socials groups each of them hung out with, they had made it. Because the one thing they had in common was their love for each other.

He had it all planned. First, the road trip, then the presents for her, followed by an elegant dinner at the restaurant in the next town. And last of all would be the slow drive back through the night.  But it didn’t all work out as planned. He woke up late, finding her shouting at his front gate. Bringing her in, he was subjected to some shouting. Rushing to get everything together, he took his bath and got dressed up. Walking out, he saw her gushing with tears and all he could feel was guilt. He managed to coax her into the car and their field trip began. Somewhere through the trip he got her to forget what had happened before and just enjoy the time they had together. At dinner, he gave her the presents he had stayed up all night making. This time, tears of joy dropped from her beautiful eyes. Everything felt perfect because they were together. Just because they had each other, the world could not seemingly touch them. As he dropped her off that night, he gave her a kiss and said that he wanted her forever…

The night air fills his lungs. He tries to forget everything, but still this wave of sadness and lost overwhelms him. He remembers her eyes that were like stars, her hair that always smelled like flowers, her sweet aroma, and her voice that always brought comfort to his mind. Everything about her kept running through his mind. In truth, he was always lucky to have her. To him, she was perfect while he always had the flaws. He stops in his tracks and looks up at the stars…

Both of them are lying down on the grass, looking at the thousands of stars filling up the night sky. This was their last night together, or so it seemed. It had been 3 years of ups and downs. But still they were here together. But come the morning, both of them had to go to their new colleges. Promises had been made about how they would keep in touch and how things would work out because they loved each other. Though, behind those words, both of them worried about how the distance would become a huge barrier between them.  But here they were, together on their last night just laying beside one another and looking into the night sky. Nothing else mattered…

He continues to walk; he does not pay attention to anything else. Too many things fill up his thoughts tonight. He feels like his world is rapidly dissolving into emptiness and he is left with nothing. He can’t find any words to explain it. Not even music will help him tonight. No lyric, no melody, No voice can help soothe his heart. Except maybe hers. As he walks he steps on a discarded mobile phone. It cracks under his shoe. He looks down to see it…

It has been two years of trying to make things work from long distance. All the phone calls, all the internet calls, all the letters can’t help the feeling that they’re falling apart. The arguments keep getting bigger. She feels that he is too paranoid and he feels she doesn’t care. Tonight is the fourth time in 2 years they have met. He holds her in her arms. They don’t say anything to each other content with just being together. Even now, they know they love each other. Right here and right now, they belong together.

Tears roll down his face. It is not normal for him to cry but tonight he feels like weeping. He feels like dying and his heart is so full of pain. Nothing helps him think that things will get better. She was his love, his all and his life. He falls to the ground, he punches the ground till his hands start bleed and he cries out…

It has been a further two years; they have both graduated 5 months ago. All the waiting was over, the time has come. He proposed, she accepted. The marriage had been planned. Nothing in the world could have made them happier than tying the knot and being together forever. It is the night before the wedding. He holds her in his arms. They’re looking at the night sky together. Nothing in this world mattered more to them than just being there together. Because they loved each other. Come the morning, they would be the happiest people in the world.

It is the morning of the wedding; he stands filled with excitement and anticipation at the front of the church. Everyone is smiling and laughing. But all he thinks about is her. The time had come. But she is already a little late. He walks out of the church trying to see if she had arrived. Still no car. His phone vibrates, he ignores it. People are starting to talk in the church wondering what is going on. He gets a little worried. His phone vibrates again, this time he picks it up. He can barely hear an audible voice. It is the voice of the man who was supposed to drive her to the wedding. He asks him to get to a street three blocks away. Filled with dread, he runs down there. Upon reaching he sees the accident…

Tonight he feels empty and lost. He just can’t go on. He looks up at the night sky. He says “I miss you.”

He spends waaaaaaaaay too much time on this, but he finds joy in nothing else. Go easy on him.
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