syae

by syae

Just a talk

February 12, 2017 in Dan lain-lain

We talked once.
And it was just a short conversation.
It was not just a small talk, though. At least not for me.
I don’t know about you, but something changed in me during that few minutes of us just…talking.

I felt as if someone was actually listening to my words – like really, really listening.
Not just hearing them, but absorbing and understanding their meaning. It was as if you were trying to peek into my mind through the words I said. Trying to understand me.
You let me finish my sentences. You helped me find words to complete them.
I felt like, you got me. I was thankful for that.

And I remember your eyes. They were fixed on me. Attentive, searching for mine.
I couldn’t look away. I tried, but they drifted back to you as soon as I blinked.
More than that, I saw something in your eyes.
Shiny. Sparkles.
They were like lights. I don’t know.
What I do know is that they haunt me now, whatever they were.
I looked for those whenever I talked with other people now.
Still am searching.

We talked once, a few months ago.
I remember it all, I do.

I saw you last week.
You didn’t even remember me.
Then of course I knew, you forgot our talk.

Isn’t it sad, that those who gets left behind or forgotten,
Are always the ones who remember it all?

by syae

I am without her.

February 12, 2017 in Dan lain-lain

I want so bad to be wanted, needed even.
Told myself they don’t deserve me, now I wonder do I deserve myself?
Why am I so broken? It’s not like I’ve been traumatized or anything.
It was just that people leave, all the time, and I was scarred from that. But everyone else does too. So why am I the one so deep in this dark place?
What happened to the carefree soul I used to have?
What happened to the girl who loves with all her heart, who wears her heart on her sleeves, who shared pieces of her to other sad souls?

I miss that girl.
She’s gone too long. I wonder where did I lost her.

Maybe she gave away too much, and people kept taking without any second thoughts.
Maybe some people took too much, maybe some took her for granted.
They didn’t see her crumbling down to her own two feet, they were moving too fast for her to chase after them.

On her own two feet she stood, finally.
But she had walked aimlessly, and now she’s lost.
Lost, and probably never to be found.

I miss her. It’s lonely without her.

by syae

Someday that is not today

February 11, 2017 in Poetry/Puisi

Someday,
I will smile and laugh and cry and feel
And not be afraid of it.

Someday,
I will read a romance novel again
And you won’t be the one on my mind then.

Someday,
I will drive past all the places that hold memories of us,
Smiling to myself at how incredible those moments were,
And I promise I will no longer cringe at them by then.

Promises.
Someday I will be able to believe in them again.

Soon, that someday will come.

But it’s not today.
Today,
I cried my eyes out.
I avoided all those places we used to go.
I read only two pages of my favourite book today because you invaded my mind again.
I faked another thousand more smiles today.

Because that someday, is not today.

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