December 29, 2019 in Poetry/Puisi
If I could go back on that day, I would have warn myself.
Never trust others easily.
People comes in every forms, some are beautiful, and some aren’t.
It was just my luck that I met someone which is not even pretty but a devil in disguise.
I would describe myself as a person who sees sense in everyone. I thought everything has a reason behind it. I would always try to understand people, their actions, their behaviours, even their personalities. Doesn’t matter how ugly their personalities were, how unbecoming their behaviour was, I would always think there must be reason behind it.
Whether it is because of their environment, family dynamics or even their genes encoded inside the DNA (if that even makes sense), I would always take a different approaches to understand them. Which is why I never actually get mad easily, but for once, I felt mad. Not because of him, but because of me. I don’t understand myself.
I really don’t get it. How can he easily touch and grab my hands, me letting him have his way. I was being generous, that itself can easily being taken advantage of.
I must be stupid too. Thinking that he would stop preaching his loathsome thinking into my brain.
What should I sacrifice being in a relationship with him, he said.
I went my way to him, using my own measures, . But now he was saying how he already sacrifice his time to be with me. And asking what can I give him in return?
Such a preposterous thinking.
In a way, he was asking me to give him consent, for what he was going to do to me later. And he’s not taking a no as an answer. I might’ve look easy to him. But strangely, I don’t blame him. The blame is always on me. No matter what others said. It was on me. And I’m bearing the responsibility till my last breath.
How can I be so blind?
Thought like this visited my mind frequently.
But I have no answer for that.
No. How can he be so conniving? Weaving word by word, masking his desire by using fancy words, romantic even.
And I fall. Fall into his trap.
His trap was bottomless, I can’t even claw myself out.
I don’t see light. Let alone hope.
Until now, darkness would always find its way into me whenever I’m not careful enough.