February 14, 2017 in Dan lain-lain
We all had that moment when we think we got it all figured out.
Anything, really, to be quite honest. Then again, was it really that easy?
Of course not. It was never easy. To think. And think. And think. Just trying to figure out what’s going on.
And just when you thought you definitely figured it out…
Boom. Comes a certain uncertainties..
“Betul ke aku buat macam ni…”
“Is this what she actually wants…”
You know, it’s been tough for me lately. Trying to figure out how should my future look. I have a dream course to undertake, but not a dream career to pursue.
Someone asked me, “what’s the career prospect of this course you want to take eh?”
“Kata nak ambil course ni, tapi benda ni pun tak tahu?”
More and more doubts occupying my mind lately. I have yet to receive any sort of revelations. Maybe I did overlook certain things. But all I hoped for is everything to be all okay for me.
What’s the best epiphany you had in life?
February 11, 2017 in Short Story/Cerpen
It was nothing but a gesture. A simple gesture, saying “can I help you? In the form of letters and flowers.
He knew she was broken. She tweeted about it. She wrote about it in her blog. She posted on Facebook. About that jerk, she said. That jerk who left her for someone else. That jerk who never remembered her birthday. That jerk who never bothered to ask her wrong. She thought she needed a change of wind. Thus, the wind brought him.
She fell in love with him. She thought of him as a blessing. She fixed herself as she got into a relationship with him.
He was sweet. As sweet as a flower’s scent on the first day of spring. As sweet as honey, melting in your mouth. Or so she thought. He was sweet. As sweet as a bubblegum. The sweetness last, but not forever. In the end, they broke up.
She is broken. You know she is. The question is…
will you break her again?
If so, you are just going to be another “him”.
February 11, 2017 in Short Story/Cerpen
This is the story of how words are not just words. The story of a relationship that are made of words. And end with words.
It was back in 2006 when I first met her in school. A petite girl. She has this very mean aura. Yet, I fell for her. Quite odd, no? But that was just me, a foolish young boy. After that, I decided to see if I can “connect” to her. On Facebook. She took me as a creep, definitely.
“For what reasons do you need to add me?”
“Tak payah susahkan diri. Dah, jangan kacau aku.”
That was how it ended. Really.
Just kidding. It was not long after that conversation that she started to notice me. Through what, exactly? Here’s the thing I didn’t expect. I was a novice writer. I wrote poems, and I put them up at my blog. What a surprise, she found my blog! Although, to be quite honest, I did share my poems on my Facebook page. Because of a common interest, a friendship bloomed.
We became quite close. We shared stories. We shared feelings. It was a mutual friendship. At one point, she even requested something from me.
“Don’t forget me, will you?”
Words. I hold on to those words. Those lingering words as I weave my tale. She was not into a relationship. She told me she was not interested in any sort of relationship that might ruin her studies. I took those words for granted, really. It didn’t take long.
After we went separate ways, she kept in touch with me. She told me her relentless quest on being an aspiring teacher. I, on the other hand, was working my way through the corporate world.
It didn’t take long. We stopped contacting for a few months. I tried to reach her, but she was usually busy.
“Hey. Sibuk tak?”
“Hai. Sorry. Sangat-sangat busy. I’ll contact you back later, okay?”
Later. How exactly do we define “later”? How exactly did I fall in love with her? How could I be in love with her? But words are just words. I never did see a wedding invitation letter for me. Especially from her.
Words couldn’t describe how shocked I was. I could use every synonyms for “shocked” but it still won’t do good enough. I knew I shouldn’t come to the wedding, so I called her. Maybe I couldn’t. Maybe I wouldn’t want to.
“Hey. Congrats on your wedding.”
“Hai. Thank you. I’m really sorry for not contacting you and all.”
“It’s okay. I’m just surprised, really.”
“Hey. I’m really, really sorry. I intended to tell you, but…”
Intended. But. What could be worse?
“I waited. I actually waited for you to say “hey, want to get married?”. But you never said those words. I waited, really. Then. he came into my life. It was not just him being there for me. He said those words.”
Those words. She see them as “those words”. I see them as promises. Promises I knew I should have made with her.
“I’m…sorry. I guess it is not fate that we will be together forever. Hey, at least I never did forget you. Cheers. Bye.”
Famous last words by me. We stopped contacting each other. I heard she already has four children. Me? I am still single. Traumatized with words. Hah. What a life.
See, words aren’t just words. We talk and talk, but we never really think what words really mean. They convey feelings. To those who listens. To those who reads. For all I know, we keep words to ourselves. Are you sure you want to do that?