Melancholy


Your room will be ready in 20 minutes, sir. Please take a seat in the waiting area.

Sure. I’ll wait over there. Thanks.

The lobby is still the same. Nothing has changed. The sofa is still in place. The vase is still at the end of the staircase. The mermaid fountain is still pouring out water on the same oval shaped pond.

I sit on the sofa, taking a magazine on the coffee table next to me. My fingers turn the pages, pretending to read while the truth is, my mind wondering something.

This is awkward. I said to myself.

Indeed, it is awkward. All the other times I’m here, I’m with her. But now, I’m alone. I’m all alone.

Sir, your room is ready. Here’s your key. I hope you’ll enjoy your stay this time. The receptionist smiles at me while giving me the key.

I head to the elevator.

******

Hmm it’s still the same. Sigh.

The room was her favourite. I chose this room because it reminds me of her. She loved the view. The room is facing the sea, I can feel the sea breeze blowing to my face. The sunlight is adequate, not too much and not too dim. I could see the whole Georgetown from this room. This particular room somehow brings a lot of memories.

If only she’s here. I know she would be happy.

I put down my luggage on the table. I set up my laptop on it. I thought I could do some of my work here, I have never been so wrong.

******

Akak, char koey teow satu!

Sat na, dik. Akak nak kopek kerang ni sat. Kerang segaq baru sampai haa.

Eh kak, cek tak boleh makan kerang. Allergic. Akak masak hat tara biasa ja laa.

Laa ya kaa? Hm rugi la hang tak boleh makan kerang. Sat akak masak satu untuk hang sat.


I sit on the chair near the stall. It is a small stall, just by the sea near Batu Feringghi. The weather is so nice, it is indeed a good day to be out here.

At the beach, I see a child playing with the sand with her mother. I see a couple holding hands, walking through the water. I see an old man, laying on the beach while reading a book. They’re all happy, but me.

Deep inside, I’m dead. Deep inside, I’m trying to survive this breakup.

******

People say that women suffer from breakups more than men.

People say that women love wholeheartedly while men love conditionally.

People say that men won’t even get too emotional when the women we love left us.

People are wrong.

I am a man. I suffer from my breakup.

I am a man. I love my girlfriend – now ex – unconditionally.

I am a man. I get emotional with everything that reminds me of her.

So does that make me less of a man?

I don’t think so. I think, it is a good indicator that I’m a well functioning human. Despite of genders, I can feel all that because of the love I have for the person I deemed to be worthy of receiving it.

I know things won’t be the same. I realised things won’t be like before. I am sure my girl will never be my girl again.

I accept this. Or at least, I am still trying to accept the fact. I am struggling but I know this is a process of me moving on.

This hurts so bad but I know I’ll have a better ending. After all, He is the best planner.
He spends waaaaaaaaay too much time on this, but he finds joy in nothing else. Go easy on him.
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