I am mad, I am mad to myself and to others. But I really do not know how to express it verbally. For, it is better to keep it quiet and let it go. But some people said, sometimes you have to tell your problems to others. Share with someone you are close with. Who am I close with? My mom? I do not tell her everything because I do not know. Maybe because of the privacy? It is hard to tell, really hard. You do not want to get the judgemental faces that they showed. You really do not want that.
People thought I am pure like the angel but inside of me, I am pure evil. I do wrong things but I keep it to myself. Judgemental people are everywhere, even with your own best friends. They tried not to, but when you told them your stories, you can see in their eyes, there was something wrong. They think wrong but for you, it is just for fun, for lust.
It is very hard to convince people, convince people of what you are thinking off. For you, what you did to help your friends was pure intentions but sometimes, you were also hoping people will repay your kindness. In a good way of course. But no, they take advantage from you knowing that you will not speak up. Because… it is you who do not like to share. When you thought your friends are good people but no, they are not. Act kind and good in front of others, but deep inside them, they are not like that. When you try to do different things from your friends, they will start to have these thingy feelings that you do not belong to them. How sad is that? Before that happen, they keep telling you their stories. Being different in class, not having so many friends, but at last, they are the one who did that to you. Throw you away from the circles. How to feel that?
I am tired. From school up to this level, I still find people like this. Two faces, just like a coin. Be kind, be gentle. I know I am not in that position to advise people cause me myself, I did wrong things that only He knows. But it is between me and Him. And you? You are in between the mankind. Stop saying bad things about your friends, be open minded that you yourself have your own weakness but people still accept you. Nobody is perfect. When people said they embrace the uniqueness, I think that sentence is a bullshit. If they are mean what they said, they will not do that. You more prefer people to follow your ways and styles. The ways you are thinking that never can bring you forward.
Stop doing that, stop hurting people.
Just stop. And let me live my ways of dealing life.