It has to end

It has been more than a year, since it happened. You still had me tied with you. I tried to get away because I wanted to move on. Once in awhile, you’d text me. Trying to catch all the falling leaves, melting ice.

“Hey just wondering, how did you treat your depression?”

My first thought was “Sweet jesus what’s up with the sudden reminder? Is it christmas?” I hate christmas. It brings back dark old memories. I couldn’t stand it. I reread and said “surroundings”. No more than a word that I replied.

 

“Explain.”

Wow. Now, I have to explain? He left me hanging without even a thread, left me dying alone in a cold dark room. The audacity. I planned to explain but I went blank. There was no better answers to his question to be honest. A lot of things keep popping, wilding inside my head.

“Do I really have a depression?”

“Was I a burden to him?”

”Am I really cured?”

”How do I reply without being an attention whore?”

5 days. I haven’t replied to him yet. I’m still blank. I’m still searching. I’m still discovering. But I guess it’s too late now. Without a reply, I deleted his text. His number. His everything. If only I could go to a different dimension, and start a new life. If only I could.

Kerana aku tulis untuk aku
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