I’m sorry that I love you

Dear you,

I’m sorry that I love you. Despite knowing everything about you, I still fall for you. I know that your love can’t never be for me. I swear I didn’t realise when it happened, and honestly it took me weeks to actually admit that I love you.

I talk about you to a friend one night and he slapped me with the most hurtful truth ever, that I love you. And that I’m in denial because I’m in love with someone who didn’t love a girl.

In my mind, you are my best friend but my act towards you is more than that and I can never explain why I treat you differently. I once told you that you are my hardest goodbye but that time, I never know why. And maybe now, I found the answer that I actually love you.

You had a partner that you so in love with. You talk about him all the time. I even say hi to him when you video call with him. I thought I’m okay with that, but truth is there’s a slight of jealousy deep down in my heart but I could never tell anyone.

I’m so clingy with you that I had to restrict myself to come back here again to meet you. I need to get rid of the feeling, so I distant myself from you.

Few weeks ago, you told me your partner said he needs a girl in his life, that you want to let him go before it get worse. How I wish I can tell you that maybe he needs a girl in his life but I need you in my life.

I know we are a perfect match that we have mutual understanding and have fun together. But I pray to God that you are not my destiny because I can never live up to the fact that you once had a feeling for guys.

It’s not you, it’s me. I love you more than a best friend, more than a partner, I love you with all my heart. But I’m sorry that I hope we didn’t end up together.

I’m not a saint who sacrifice everything for the name of love. I want you to be the happiest person in this world but I need my happiness too.

Today, it hurts so much that both of us noticed everything but didn’t talk about it at all. I promised myself not to talk about it. Because I’m afraid.

Afraid to lose a friend like you. Afraid that the I love you will ruin the friendship. Afraid of never having you in my life.

Again, I’m sorry that I love you.






I can fake my feelings
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