1st August – he left
as soon as the reality kicks in, the pain became unbearable. i’d rather have physical pain, really.
the one that we can see, as such as blood gushing from an open wound.
the one that you can literally find remedy to heal it.
the one that you can see either it’s getting worse or getting better by time.
but this kind of pain appears in the most pure evil form in your heart, it comes out with no warning. one time you think you’re okay, the next time when the devil decided to torture you,
it leaves you crying while you’re taking showers,
it leaves you having nightmares in your sleep,
it leaves your heart screaming begging for mercy for the pain to stop.
the devil inside me gobble up on me with no mercy it hurts so much.
if only you could see the wound it makes you’d wish you’re blind
if you could listen to the pain screaming your ears would bleed
a simple thing could trigger things about him. i see piece of him everywhere. he left me when i need him the most. when i loved him the most. it’s so unfair that these thing don’t affect him, that he’s doing good while I’m here suffering with major sadness. you don’t say i love you to a person and then leave them the next day, you know. he loved only a part of me when i love the whole of him. in a way he ruins me but have no idea of it, the major cause of my emotional breakdown. I feel sick. I feel rejected. I feel unappreciated. I feel like a trash. it’s like you keep chugging a bottle of acid and you can’t stop doing it.
God knows how much I want to be okay again. to be free. have you heard about the saying that karma is a bitch? aside from what happened, i still hope for his wellness. i know i might sound weak but when you truly love someone, you’ll want the best for them even if they’re not yours. ?
but i’ll be okay. I know one day I will. I pray to God that I’ll get over this.
I’ll be okay. that’s a promise.
- “sayang diri sendiri dulu sebelum sayang orang lain.”
- “self – love is important”
- “pay attention to those who appreciate you rather than those who doesn’t”
- “move the fuck on”