Infidelity is a large part of our culture. It just is. Whether you have been cheated on or you’re the cheater, most of us have been there in some way. It puts you in a space that feels wrong and awful.
It could have been years since it happened. Hell, it could’ve been a situation where you weren’t even really “official” with the other person, but somehow they betrayed your trust. And you could get all Beyoncé about it and “create lemonade,” but a lot of times you are just stuck in this rut, trying to get over these insecurities of being betrayed and having to trust in love again. You are stuck trying to get over this hump so you can finally accept the fact that you’re not going to get hurt again.
And the worst part? You might get hurt again. But I guess you can’t be too sure about that until you have a little faith in something, right? You have to, because you owe it to yourself and any other relationship you get involved in. You have to give love a chance, you have to get it through your head that you’re good enough and that you deserve to be happy. But it’s so damn hard. It’s so damn hard because any trust you had in love was stolen away from you.
But you try to take that trust back. You build it back up, brick by brick. You hope that it stays, but soon enough you realize that trust is about a fragile as a straw house.
And soon distrust is building walls up around you, walls that you’re praying that you or someone or anyone could tear down. You pray that it will just get swept away and you can feel that innocent love you used to feel when you were sixteen and life was a little less complicated.
It’s harder for you to take the little things lightly. Because you know how that’s how it all starts. It could be nothing, but it could also be the beginning of the end. So you blow things out of proportion, even if it’s only in your frantic mind. You think of the worst, because you’ve been through this far too many times to be stupid again. Far too many times to count. You can’t afford to be stupid again. It would drive you deeper.
You wonder how you continue to make the same mistakes with different people.
You wonder why you let this happen and how you could have prevented it. But you can’t. You can’t predict it. You can only just accept the situation, react and move on.
It’s not that easy, as much as you want to forget it all. You want to forget that any of your past ever happened. You just want to move forward and be the best person you can be for the next person that comes along. You want to pretend that you are this strong person. You know somewhere deep down that you are a strong person, but you fight against it, because what kind of strong person would be so scared?
Well, the thing is, you’re stronger than probably most people who have gone through this.
You just can’t help but feel the weakest when you’re alone, wondering and worrying and sitting in the fragile mess you’ve created in your head. You know that no one else can clean up that mess except you. You’re the only person that can pick yourself up enough to realize that you are worthy of the great things in life. You have to get over those worries and insecurities and realize that there are people out there who would love you more than you could fathom.
You have to realize that you can’t control anyone’s actions but your own. You have to realize that there’s more to life than being scared. You need to follow your fears. You need to allow yourself to love.
But honestly, getting over one-time or repeated betrayal against your trust is harder to get through than anyone else could know. When you’ve been dragged around, it’s hard to believe that you are good and strong. It’s harder to understand why you feel the things you do, because it takes time to heal. It takes time and love and thick skin to get through it. And you will. You’ll make it through. You’re just taking a different path than everyone else to happily ever after.