I never thought missing someone can cause you so much hurts.
It’s not feeling rejected¾or¾abandoned kind of hurts.
It’s something comes deep inside from soul, somewhere you can’t even help to avoid;
Some kind of voice but nobody can hear it¾it’s like a word but you can’t say¾it’s like a wound but you can’t cure¾it’s like a song but you can’t sing¾and it’s like having a paper and pencil but you can’t draw anything.
You desperately want to do something but you just can’t do anything about it.
You miss someone but you didn’t know what you should do to comfort your own feelings.
“I miss you”
It’s a pleasure to hear that from someone. You feel delightful to know that someone you care, missing you, as well means you never run out from their minds; even when they’re doing their works, busy with study and the other stuff¾when they’ve got some free times, just to tell that they missing you¾that’s one of the reason why missing someone are worth for; to know that they miss you as much as you do.
But that kind of “I miss you” which comes from yourself, can kills you inside. You wish when you’re saying that to someone they suddenly pop-up in front of your house’s door or maybe you wish when you texted “I miss you” to them, when you’re about to cry they just being one call away and comes just to wipe your tears. Or maybe you prefer when you saying those words they suddenly here, right by your side, giving those warm embraces to chase away all your fears.
Well, I don’t need any gifts. Don’t bring me flowers. I’m not into chocolate. I don’t want any of that. I just miss you.
And missing you was means; I need you.
I need someone to talk. I need someone to hear my silly story. I need someone to stay all night just for having some conversations. I need someone to laugh at my unfunny jokes. I need someone to say I’m beautiful when I look messy. I need someone to enjoy my meals together. I need someone to I ask question. I need someone that will find my favorite movies to watch together. I need someone that I could stare for a long time. I need that someone.
And I need you.
I thought it was fine to miss someone until I started to miss you.
I’ve no clue that missing you can give me so many ached. I’ve never thought that when I woke up at 3 a.m, lay on my bed, staring the ceiling above me and then¾your image come and give me a visit. I’ve never thought that¾could put me into tears. Realized that I’ve miss you so much and it wakes me from my dream; when my dreams either can’t blind me, can’t make me forget to miss you every single times. So they have to wakes me up and face the reality that “I miss you¾feeling” wins the battle and it hurts me because I didn’t know what to do for me to reach out for your soul.
Every each night that I go through, it changes. But my feelings didn’t. Even sometimes the situations and the distance trying to breaks me; the feeling of drifting away from you, the feeling of you’re no longer think of me like how I do and the feeling of you’re trying to walk away from me¾didn’t get a chance to win to make me love you any less.
I woke up in the morning found myself missing you even more.
I didn’t know when will that day come; the day where I wake up and find that you’re already here. The day that I’ve no longer need to missing you because you’re already ease the pain. The day when you hold my hands and suddenly everything feels so fine. The day where both of us get a chance to stare at each other¾breaks every walls and speak heart to heart¾and us finally, doesn’t have to miss each other anymore; because we won’t be far away from each other, again.
It’s still blurry and I can’t see when it comes, yet, but I know it will come.
I know it will.
But for now, let me just miss you. Even if that hurts but missing you is part of my day now.
I feel strange for not missing you.
I’ll wait for you to break the times and spaces between us. I can’t wait to see the look of your face when we meet later. I can’t wait to tell you about everything. And I can’t wait to hear about you too. Till then, go build some jets or find some wings; for you to fly and meet me.
I miss you and always do.
I love you.