i had no one when it comes to me

I wish someone would realise how big heartbreak really is and how a breakup really affect someone, shattering them into pieces, turning them onto being something they’re not. Yet every single day, they put on their t-shirts, wore their best smile, goes out and act like everything’s okay.

I had my breakup last year. Everything hurt. Everything. My heart broke every single day, waking up to a routine I’d never thought I’d face. Waking up to every hope where he’d text me. Waking up from every dream where he’d smile at me, and say he loves me for a lifetime. I held on to that hope for months, even if I get to hear it one last time but that day never came. He found someone just as great as him and I’m happy for that. I held no grudge, no pain but the love I should’ve pour to myself just as much as I love someone.

I needed a bunch of people to come around and give a friendly hug. Screw that, I needed a friend to tell me that I will be okay, that everything will get better but that didn’t happen. It was understandable though, I told no one until they figured it out for themselves. I never got the heart to spill it out of my chest, everything hurts, my chest wrenched in pain every morning waking up to the love that I’ve lost.

No one took me out for dessert, or for a walk, or sat with me to listen, and hear me cry even when I’m back in home city.  I healed myself because I had to. I downloaded myself a shitload of episodes for me to watch, to get my mind off things even for awhile. At that point, I don’t even give a fuck about myself any more than the next person does.

Now someone so close to me lost someone so meaningful to her and I was away when it happened. She had morning shift the next day. Yet even when she tells me over a text, I know how it felt like. A stinging pain that longs in your heart, that adds up and breaks you. Even, when you’re keeping yourself busy. She had her friends to surround her on the next day though, took her out for food, hung out with her and even went for a salon day. I was happy she had people around her to take her mind off things.

I wished I had that. It’s not like I’m saying I couldn’t be independent,

I just wished someone cared when I was hurting.

 

 

had a heart lined with cracks but i chose art to fill it.
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