Human Error

I always feel like there is something wrong with me. How I feel things, see things, interpret things. They say that I’m too intense and that I reacted too extravagantly for something that was viewed as nothing to them.

They say I think too highly of people, that I’m too optimistic about others’ capabilities to do good, be good, but too pessimistic when it comes to my own heart and strength.

“I believe in you”, those words I often uttered to my loved ones when said to me sounded so foreign and pressuring. It sounded like a command, like a burden that I have to carry but when I tell you ‘I believe in you” trust me, darling, I really do, with all my heart.

I just simply assume that I will end up with the worst case scenario no matter the convincing promises, no matter the beautiful beginning of how we started I will end up picking up the pieces of whatever you left behind. I am not clairvoyant but I’ve been taught the harsh truth since I was 5.

I would hold on too tight because letting go had never been an option. My love suffocates, even the kindest of heart would turn against a zealous love. Not everyone can reciprocate the amount of love that one is capable of offering, it’s drowning.

You left with claw marks on you, only after I decided that the time has come for you to find love somewhere else. When my love no longer serves you.

I know you’re beautiful, despite the freckles you hate so much and your crooked teeth and your weight that you never seemed to ever be proud of. I look at you and I see love, I see everything worth caring for, and then I made it my lifetime mission to convince others that they are worth it while I abandoned my own sanity.

Am I a human error?

not your miracle, just a girl
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