Herself, he said.

Monday you tell her how dark her skin is, you mock her how she will look better with lighter skin. You convince her that if she has lighter skin, she will be pretty.

She wants to be pretty in your eyes, so she hates her skin more and find anything that can make her skin lighter.

Tuesday you told her she need to lose some weight, the flabby on her waist kills her shape. She knows that even before you utter the sarcasm to her, she knows that so well that she started to eat clean. But you belittle her effort, you make fun of her goal.

She wants to have the best body according to your desire; she could have love 54kgs but your 50kgs will make you love her more – then that is what she will work on.

Wednesday is about her hair. Oh, she knows it too well that she owned tons of serum and conditioner but somehow genetic is all she got. But you wish to have long black silky hair on her. For you Sunsilk model is your best reference, so you ask her to be one, to have the long black silky hair too. No one likes frizzy hair you said, no one will look pretty with frizzy hair.

So that is what she aims for. Everyday she hates her hair more than before, she tried 101 tips to make sure her hair intact, to make sure her hair is silky but tough luck – it is not that easy.

Thursday is when you started to complain about her outfit. Her closet is outdated he said. All this time, she is comfortable to wear whatever she owned but right now nothing feels right, not even her favorite pants can make her feels pretty now. some is too baggy for your eyes; some is too tight that can make her look big you said. Some is too long that she will look short with it and some is too bright that she looks like traffic light you mocked. So, whenever they went out for a date, it is such a tough task for her. ‘’ how can I be pretty in his eyes; how can she find me beautiful ‘’.

The fact that there isn’t, she still bought new cloths according to his taste. Who knows, the white blouse can make her look pretty, who knows the ruffle on her chest can make her look cute. But you don’t even notice that – so she said ‘maybe new different blouse will make him notice it ‘– and by now, 5 months past; he noticed nothing.

Friday is yeayday, but he said you are no fun to chill with. She should have loosened up a little and be carefree. Not that he doesn’t know how introvert you are but still she takes the blame and try to be fun. Anxious feeling, she put aside, shaking leg, sweating palm and he notice that, he noticed it very well that you find it burdensome.

So, she tried to mingle, she tried to be one so you like her more, so you would feel proud to have her, to have fun the same as you. sometimes she would still hide behind the curtains to gather her shit but most of the time her heart thumping so loud as she is not used with the crowd. But for you – even hell is nothing for her.

So, it’s finally weekend. After a long week, you told her to be herself.

I thought I vocalize my trouble but nobody were listen.
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