He left me with 2 sticky notes

The yellow sticky note on the fridge says “don’t write about me”

swear to god, I am trying
but this morning I had trouble getting out of bed
and I remember your hands like a claw machine;
picking me up again and again
until I made it out the door

You were the kindest boy I’ve ever kissed
and when you had to leave,
you did it gently
peeled my splattered heart off the wall
gathered it inside a glass globe
and handed it back to me

Imperfect, you said
but still able to love;
still precious

So when my friends tell me that
you aren’t worth the tears
I tell them that this boy
taught my fingers to write soft things;
taught my heart to not gather hatred
when it is hurt
I tell them that these tears are of joy
that I was privileged to hold you

no matter how short,
no matter how fleeting

The pink sticky note on the fridge says
“but if you have to, then be kind to yourself”

swear to god, I am trying
but this morning I had trouble getting out of bed
and I remember my body like a sunken ship;
we struggled for years
to not drown

I was the messiest girl you’ve ever kissed
and when you had to leave,
I took it sloppily
cut my own heart out
catapult it against the wall
and sink, and sink into the blood

told you, look
at this disfigured heart
what will it ever do

So when my friends tell me that
I am toxic
I tell them that I don’t know how to not be
and even on the days that I feel good
I know I am not good
and he does not deserve me

No matter how short,
No matter how fleeting

Penulis

xmrys
A love story with a poet is just a messy love story.

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