I want to wake up in a different city
fall in love in a different time
come back to a different heartache,
I want to find myself again-
the person who I can be
when I do not anchor myself to the deep sea,
to a person, a memory,
ghosts of men who once said
they love me
I have put myself in places
that burns from the insides of my bones,
find different faults in different corners-
why do I love people only to hate myself?
somewhere, a different city in a different time,
there is a version of me
who knows how to hold herself,
knows there is worth in her body
without leaving it in the care of someone else-
so what if it feels good to be wanted?
so what if there is a person
like a band aid to all these wounds?
don’t they hurt when it has to come off?
but here, in this city and this moment,
I let myself cry
it is not a sin to feel-
my heart is made up of a room so big
it fits the whole universe,
so I let the world in, let longing
take up the space I saved for someone else
I read once it takes 24, 901 miles
to go around the earth,
seems like a long way to go
but if I walk half that distance
wouldn’t it be a 180°?