halfway

I want to wake up in a different city

fall in love in a different time

come back to a different heartache,

I want to find myself again-

the person who I can be

when I do not anchor myself to the deep sea,

to a person, a memory,

ghosts of men who once said

they love me

 

I have put myself in places

that burns from the insides of my bones,

find different faults in different corners-

why do I love people only to hate myself?

 

somewhere, a different city in a different time,

there is a version of me

who knows how to hold herself,

knows there is worth in her body

without leaving it in the care of someone else-

so what if it feels good to be wanted?

so what if there is a person

like a band aid to all these wounds?

 

don’t they hurt when it has to come off?

 

but here, in this city and this moment,

I let myself cry

it is not a sin to feel-

my heart is made up of a room so big

it fits the whole universe,

so I let the world in, let longing

take up the space I saved for someone else

 

I read once it takes 24, 901 miles

to go around the earth,

seems like a long way to go

but if I walk half that distance

wouldn’t it be a 180°?

here to serve some passive aggressive poems
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