Give it up

One day, suddenly I decided to choose you as someone dear to my heart. It’s my fault by choosing you. I invest everything that I can. I give u everything that I’m able to. I invest too much emotion in this. I put too much efforts.

Finally, I guess u realize my efforts and u started to give me attention. I was happy, really. I keep on putting efforts again and again and I realize, it was only me doing it. I am the only one doing everything, initiating everything, and I am the only one has interest of your life. You never curious about me. You never really care about me. You are special in my life but I am not. You only reach out to me when you are bored,when you have no one else, when u need something from me. You are everything to me but u treat me like trash! I pity myself for keep on responding to u even after u ignore me. I pity myself for always reaching out to u.

Now, I feel like I’m losing myself. I stop putting effort, I stopped texting u first and its not a surprise, u don’t do anything. My absence has no meaning in your life. I hate seeing u happy. I hate seeing u laugh happily with other people when I am in pain. I hate my absence mean nothing to u. I hate I am nothing to u.

I hate this soo much. I hope, no, I want u to feel this pain . I wish u will be ignored by someone that u love so much. I wish that person will hurt u like what u did to me. I want u to feel this pain!

Its my fault for letting u in. Its my fault for open my heart and lay it open for u to cut it. I hate myself that until now I still hope for u to fight for me. I really hate myself.

Please pray for me..
I hope I can heal faster, I hope I can get over this faster.
This is killing me so much.

Penulis

NIB08
Reaching the stars

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