Friend?

Hey friend, if you are reading this, I wanted to say… You’re not only just a friend to me. You’re a bit more than that. The reason why I say ‘a bit’ is because I’m unsure about my own feelings. But what’s for sure, you’re not just a friend to me.

I think we’ve been friends for.. I don’t know.. For two years now? At first, obviously I have no feelings for you. We’re not even that close, I mean. I just knew you existed and I knew you were somewhat popular. People liked you for your humour and friendliness. And I liked that, too.

I didn’t know you too well until Semester 3, which is approximately last year, when we are together in a group for our very, very difficult and tedious subject. Yeah, I had to admit that I was a pretty strict person. I needed everyone to cooperate and be punctual etc. However, I never actually meant to ruin friendships. Also, we were together in a group again for the following semester as well. This time, we got closer and still, I didn’t think you were more than just a friend.

I had fun with you, no doubt. Just because you are so funny and you make people laugh instantly! I kind of liked that positive vibe you’re bringing. And… I have also heard some stories about your personal matters and that made me very upset. I mean, for a giddy and funny person like you to be facing those predicaments… You’re a tough person and I respect you for it.

And again, this semester, we got closer and closer. We go for studugroups almost every single night. We played Werewolf and Resistance with others and that never failed to make me happy. I mean, when I’m alone, I feel so lifeless and sad and weak and all the negative attributes you can think of. However, when we get together, I feel so rejuvinated and I’m no longer that sad kid again.

And one more thing, I’m always insecure about how I look. Just cause I don’t like my face shape and my bloated cheeks that looks like an oversized balloon. I’m always lacking of self confidence. I don’t like my body and all that kind of stuff. And one day, I decided to wear a shawl style which reveal my puffy cheeks and you said ‘Cantik je’. I swear to God I never felt so appreciated at that moment, and yeah. I started to love myself eversince, thanks to you.

On a side note, you are also a brainiac and that is the number one thing I look for in a person. A person with brains. And also a humorous attitude. That kind of sums up the whole thing. However, I’m not really ready to confess or to tell you about my feelings. It’s just cause we’ve been friends for so long and to be more than that would make everything seem awkward. I don’t want things to change yet. I still want the funny side of you because that makes me happy all the time.

And friend, if you are reading this, and you know you are the one, then I’m sorry. I do like you.

20. IIUM. Coffee/ Green tea addict. 152cm. Weight? It changes everytime, but for now, 51kg.
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