I got this app on my phone
that counts how many days it’s been since we last spoke,
I wanted it to tell me if it’s been long enough.
It was supposed to say it is okay to let go now but gentler
but not like you.
are really tired from being so aware of the numbers.
Even the world
ties its core to your veins begging to be kept,
how are my hands to be held back, how is my skin
to contain all my flesh?
Because if you’d say something, they’ll follow.
If you say something, they’ll follow.
See all my senses
are for you to stretch and break.
If you aren’t watching I feel like I would melt down to my feet.
I cannot speak.
I feel like if I part open these lips blood won’t stop spilling out of it.
All this mess.
It only make sense that you don’t want me.
And I have forgotten how to speak of pain as if I asked to be hurting.
Let’s just say you broke me.
If it helps let me tell you I’m working on it.
If it helps I am trying
to love loosely,
let love just dangle
on the thin of my heartstrings.
If it helps let me tell you these things.
If it helps,
I’m doing everything
the way you told me.
Still would crawl my way to your mouth
if you’d let me tuck my self back under your tongue.
I miss you.
Still flinch at your name, still my voice saying it.