Defensive

Defensive according to Mr. Google was ” very anxious to challenge or avoid critism ”

“Always put others first.” My mom used to say that, she was worried that I might not make friends or I was too bold for the world.

Sadly there’s a negative side of it, I became soft. In an argument, battle of words when someone demanded me to say sorry, I would easily say those words hoping for all to end. But it never ends there.

In a relationship I would be the first to say sorry & also the last.

The more people I met, the more I understand how does a relationship works & how does a person would describe it. I learnt that me becoming defensive would not protect me nor anybody. Being the opposite that I was before in an argument does not do good to anything, it’ll worsen the situation.

But how? I’m not good in these things. The moment I felt so sad & anguish, I would burst into tears. The moment I surpress all the anger is the moment I would just kneel down & wished it’ll all end. I am weak let’s put it there.

I want to be who I am, but that person is a weakling, a loser. I couldn’t defend myself.

 

But maybe just maybe, one day someone will come & maybe leave me afterwards. Leaving a lesson that would be so valuable that I would use it to be who I am & still be that person who would say sorry when needed to.

I'm writing down my own emotions hope for people out there feels the same way & does not feel lonely.
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