my first drag was an impulse
at three am with no one to trust
i stumbled alone in the dark
before finally landing upon a spark
my mind’s an intolerable mess
so i’m shifting the burden to my chest
with every breath i savour the pain
hoping i could feel whole again.
my second drag was an experiment
a bitter but pleasurable predicament
awkward fingers curling on cylindrical stick
dusting off ashes with a hasty flick
my days are filled with continuous regret
burdened by memories i’m trying to forget
friends neighbors strangers and lovers
they shouldn’t linger on my mind any longer.
my third drag was a permanent reliance
paired with loneliness, a deadly alliance
smokes in the atmosphere looked so dreamy
made me forget that my life was dreary
people keep telling me this will kill
but it’s always been my intention to fall ill
with the scent of death i want to familiarise
so i won’t be afraid when i finally close my eyes.