bayang-bayang

hidup sebagai bayang-bayang, yang tawanya sekadar mentertawa, disamar diri yang bukan dia, dia tidak pernah, tidak pernah dapat menjadi dirinya. kadang-kadang dia sebagian dari orang-orang, kadang-kadang dia adalah pokok, perkakas, perhiasan, bangunan atau perasaan yang bukan kepunyaanya. tubuhnya bukan miliknya hiduplah, dan lepaskan supaya kesalmu tidak mengikatnya. hiduplah, dan lepaskan supaya anak kecil dalam dirinya. […]

‘Okay?’

“Are you okay?” I’ve been wondering the same thing, too. can you tell that I actually didn’t get a proper sleep last night because of all the overthinking? or are you blinded by the struggled smile that’s painted on my face? please never ask why my voice shakes when I talk. i’m just socially anxious. […]

17-07-2020

surat buat abah, assalamualaikum abah, apa khabar disana? ayo harap abah baik-baik sahaja. ayo rindu abah… it has been four years you are away from this world. I dreamt of you recently, i witnessed you smile in my dream, i wish to see it again in real life. abah, ingat tak dulu kita selalu memancing […]

Letter to my Future Self

Hello Future Self, I’m your Past Self when you’re reading this letter. I made it for you. Its 20 June 2020 and its 1.37 am. I cant sleep. I’m excited on counting days getting married to one I love the most. Most night thinking I cant wait to spend time with him, I even made […]

14-06-2020

aku selalu rasa buntu tak kena waktu. kadang rasa lost padahal aku tak tahu apa sebenarnya yang buat aku rasa macam ni. banyak benda-benda yang seriously aku tak tahu macam mana nak cerita atau kongsikan dengan sesiapa. benda ni semua ibarat kata-kata yang aku rasa terperangkap didalam kepala. harini aku rasa apa yang aku buat […]

future meets past

Dear Melur of 2020,   Writing this to you is for you to know how the world has become a greater good. First of all, I would like to say how grateful I am for you to survive the pandemic. I know being a kid must have stressed you out for not being able to […]

pep talk

I’m so  tired of  this MCO (CMCO). I don’t know if there’s a job opportunity actually waiting to call me just when the quarantine ends and all sectors open again and re-progress so the companies regain and stable again and open the job opportunities to many people who have been job-seeking and who lost their […]

Just a bestfriend

Dear you, Thanks for always having my back Thanks for always being there for me Thanks for always asking my whereabouts   Dear you, Thanks for listening to my problems Thanks for responding me like how I want to be responded Thanks for the attention given Thanks for the late night long hours of phone […]

i still think of you

i’m not sure whether this loneliness is because i was longing for you, or it just me that craved to be loved. our nameless relationship doesn’t have a conclusion. after all, i’m the one who left you on read. i felt like we didn’t need to bid a proper goodbye, since we had done that […]

Tumpang sekejap.

https://www.instagram.com/funkythriftstore/ Jemput singgah keruangan cuci mata. Bagi mereka yang berminat untuk menyelam bundle. Selam lah di Instagram ini, siapa tahu ada yang kamu perlu? Pin 0

How am i supposed to know?

Dan lain-lain; tentang kau yang tak pernah dikategorikan oleh aku. Kau bisa jadi segala yang aku perlu.   Walau nescafe dan caffeine itu bukan pilihan kau, tapi jika mccafe meracun kau dengan promosi gila-gila mereka, maka teracun juga hati kau; walau sejauh mana kasarnya dia terhadap kau, jika si dia mulai menyatakan maaf (meski berulang) […]

it was real, wasnt it?

It was a short roller coaster ride, but it was real wasnt it? at least, to me.  Unexpected.  Masatu, aku sendiri pelik. Mana lah datang rasa nak bertanya soal social media. Dalam pelik ada sedikit syukur. Mula rapat, terima kasih buat teman yang beri idea untuk mulakan operasi menjadi pemandu uber student. You are one of my favorite […]

How are you doing, Karen?

Wow, I thought that there would be lesser stupid people around since the pandemic happened. I was wrong! I was told that I am the white person of Malaysia. A privileged Malay Karen. If I were white I could get everything that I wanted. More money, fame, beauty, and other perks. I could have been […]

i’m not okay

Hello. you know why I’m here today. Today I’m feeling like I really need to take a pause of everything that has been occupying my head and I need to slow down how I let everything access to me. Like my feelings. They speed up enter the empty space in my heart and they go […]

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