“Naa, sokay, I will be okay by myself”

You know, when things are getting related to a lot of people, you tend to please their desires and you would think that your own feelings do not matter anymore. You abandon your heart, you keep on pleasing other people, you keep and bury the feelings deep inside your heart. You would not care about yourself anymore and you just want to follow the flow instead of arguing with them about stuffs and so on.

You were the first to born in the family and that was the moment where you were given the burden to make your parents proud of yourself and the family as well. You felt overwhelmed by the pressure yet you would still smile, showing that you were okay, you were having no problems to fulfill their needs, but deep inside your heart, you were hurt. In the end, you kept the feeling to yourself.

 
Naa, sokay, I will be okay by myself

 
You were the eldest sibling. When your parents bought some things for you and your siblings, all of you were considered to have a fair and square portion of the stuffs. But somehow, your sister wanted yours. You purposely gave in because you knew you would never got the chance to win over the situation. Oldies said, “eldest are older so you should be matured enough to not fight or argue with your siblings over silly stuffs”. Yeah, you knew even though you did not want to know about it but still, you would smile, showing that you were okay, you were having no problems, but deep inside your heart, you were hurt. In the end, you kept the feeling to yourself. Again.

 
Naa, sokay, I will be okay by myself

 
You were in a group of friends. You would laugh, cry, study, eat and hang out together but somehow, a ‘group’ was still a ‘group’. There would be at least a person that would feel being left out, hanging by herself, not knowing what was the function of her in the particular circle of friends. And the ‘her’ is you. Yet, you would still smile, showing that you were okay, you were having no problems, but deep inside your heart, you were hurt. In the end, you kept the feeling to yourself. Again and again.

 
Naa, sokay, I will be okay by myself

 
You were facing a difficult situation. You were in distress. You felt down, frustrated, overwhelmed, you did not have any ideas of what was going on and you felt like you needed someone to help you settle down, to rely on at least for a moment, to help you overcome the complicated situation. And then you remember, you have nobody to spill your problems, you have nobody to rely on for a moment, you have nobody to stand by your side, to give you support, to give you inner strength. You were hoping someone to be there, to hold and pull your hands up to the sky. But a hope can be the greatest source of hurt. And in the end, you were the one to wake up, you were the one to stand by yourself, alone. . Yet, you would still smile, showing that you were okay and you kept the feeling to yourself. Again and again and again.

 
Naa, sokay, I will be okay by myself

 
But the thing is,
How long would you keep all these things to yourself?
How long would you want to be okay by yourself?
How long would you want to persuade your own little fragile heart?
Until it becomes a ‘pekasam’?

 
Read and heed.
You are a person.
Seorang manusia.
Manusia biasa yang ada hati dan perasaan.
You should not be selfish, yes, but you should not be unselfish at all either.
You need to take some space and think about yourself too.
Because life ain’t solely about the people in the circle. Life is just simply about how you want to live your life before reaching for the final destination, along with them.
You can define ‘them’ with your own words.
You have the choice.
You have the right.
Y.O.L.O.

Penulis

laventhorns
Perfectly imperfect.

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