Hai Ben.

I know you are not gonna be able to read this, Ben. But i have missed you so much that i couldn’t help myself to come to this square screen and write something. Some things that i have been dying to tell you but i couldn’t, since you won’t understand a thing.

Remember the first day that you came to my home? It was October 2017. You were so nervous and scared. But it’s okay Ben, i was there for you, doing what i’m best at, calming you down. I hugged you for the first time, and i can hear your heartbeat, beating so loud that that’s the only sound i heard at the moment.  I ran my fingers through your head and at that moment, i could tell that you loved it through that calming sound you made. If only i could turn back the time, to October 2017, i would, Ben, i would.

Now that you’re gone Ben, my life feels empty. My heart feels empty. There will be no more playing “hide and seek” with you, or you quietly sneak into my bedroom just to sleep with me in the middle of the night, or our daily cuddling session, that i always look up to. There will be no more licking-my-face-just-to-wake-me-up every morning. Who’s gonna wait for me at the door after i went for a morning jog if it wasn’t you? You were always there, Ben, listening attentively to all my problems, even though you never provide me the solutions and gave me that ” urgh, boring” look, but i love it when you listen. You are my best friend, Ben, and also a family to me, so how am i supposed to live with the fact that you are now gone…. forever.

You left me, us, so soon Ben. I don’t think i could replace you with any other cat at the moment Ben. I’m so sorry that i wasn’t home when you’re all alone, struggling with death. I’m sorry that i couldn’t hug you for the last time. I’m so  sorry that i didn’t bring you to the vet as soon as i realized that you weren’t eating like you usually did. I will never forgive myself, Ben.

I’ll miss you, Ben, i will.

Rest in peace, Benjamin. (2016-2019)



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