i can already feel how my week is going to be. shitty as any other week. i can already feel my presence being unwanted. friends turning their backs, smiles turning to frowns. im needed only when wanted, till im used i no longer matter. i serve no purpose as a friend, there is nothing i […]


Shut up. I’d tell myself to shut up. Thoughts so loud it’s not as if I could be heard. Mind like a crowd it’s not as if I could escape. So fucked up I couldn’t get myself to look at your face. So frail, my arms couldn’t carry even the slightest weight. Be amazed, at […]


i pray that when i grow up i’ll be there for my wife and kids . go to their sports day events, be their number one fan . celebrate their birthdays, embarrass them in front of their friends. cook them home food, make them miss home when they go. ask them how’s school, listen to […]

Pro tips

heres a little pro tip , from me to myself . • you don’t really know anything at the moment so its best not to act smart . • dont go out giving suggestions bcus it’ll only show how stupid you are at what you do • stfu and just chill because none of the […]

menyesal tak ?

“menyesal tak?” the question he hit me with when he knew i had to resit the exam . menyesal tak ? are you fucking kidding me ? i worked my balls off for that paper and you had the audacity to ask me if i regret ? as if i didn’t even try ? bodoh […]

I’m just afraid

Day by day a fear grows intense . The fear to sleep and witness the same nightmare . The fear to eat and see yourself puking it out in the boy’s bathroom. The fear to try your best and ending up with a huge disappointment . Because of fear , we end up not trying […]

The Safe Haven

Sore eyes , numb mind . Brain dead , eyes go blind . A helpful soul, I couldn’t find , but there you were, just in time . Hopeless, reckless, I could hardly try . ‘ Everything’s fine ‘ , I could barely lie . When the only hope is the hope to die , […]

what it means to be silent

“You’re a little quite today” Yeah , I keep some thoughts to myself once in a while . I’m always keeping opinions, they’re just waiting for the right day to be said . Today is most probably not that day , and I don’t think the coming days will be any different . When I […]

I am a mere slave

I am a mere slave , searching for happiness that I desperately crave , the straight path You paved , I chose to steer astray . I am a lost slave , always begging to be saved , yet the helping hand people gave , I pushed away . I am an ungrateful slave , […]


………………. ” I’ll be there soon , see you in 5 ? ” a notification pops up as I wait anxiously for the arrival of someone I haven’t seen for the past 3 years at a local coffee shop in downtown Sapporo . The scent of freshly brewed coffee usually calms me down but this […]

What they say about sad people

They say the saddest people fake the best smiles , and the people who hurt the most give the best laughs . Bullshit . How would you know ? It is a huge assumption , the thought of how apparently the happiest people are the saddest . Why not just appreciate the moment people are […]

what I’ve been thinking

These past few nights I’ve found myself puking out my dinner . I wake up nauseous and gagging out barely anything , tearing up to the sickness I never knew I had. Long before these past few nights I’ve went through the same shit . I try to look for a cause , and maybe […]

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