Remembrance

Things have been a bit chaotic lately. I am constantly swarmed by thoughts, flashbacks, and things I don’t mean to remember. I am turning dark. Every fibre of my being is turning into something I don’t want to be, and I am scared of it. Anyway, friend. Just want to let you know that I […]

To my animal friends

Dear friends, Since I started doing this full-time last year, I feel like it has always been a one-way affair. We don’t know each other, I doubt you guys understand what am I saying now, but you know that we know we have the power to change this. During my orientation week, I almost cried […]

wash away the rain

If one day I am gone, can someone please pass my mother a set of my unwashed clothes? I noticed how it helped her cope with the lose of my Atuk. I think it’s the smell – the smell invokes presence, like that someone is still there. I don’t care so much about my belongings […]

writing about not writing

I don’t have enough words to say what I need to say, but whatever it is, I feel like I need to still put together something to untangle whatever uneasiness I have in my heart (and mind) now. I am out of words. I am out of ideas or ways to get you out of […]

change of heart

So they say love is not supposed to hurt Love is selfless And if you feel neither of those, then what you are feeling is not love I’d like to think that that is wrong Love is boundless – there are no rules. You go through it. Even if it means hurting and dying alive […]

blame

Where’s the fun in rationality? You turn me into something I’d never want to be You make me seek, you make me long You make me drown, lovesick in the chaotic sea I created myself You make me a child You make me stupid – you make a doctorate worthless with me wanting to know […]

(draft 29)

There are some things I can’t properly say. I might choke. Or cry. Or both. Asking you to forget him is a burden “too much to ask” out of you. I understand. I understand that well enough. I understand the consequences that come with “not being first”. I am trying to make peace with the […]

saved

Sometimes, the closet can be suffocating. It is dark and cold. If you’re lucky, you’ll have someone – so it is not so lonely. Most of the time, you are alone in the battle against the world. There were clouds. The marks on her wrist were still there, a bitter reminder of how cruel the […]

unknown destination

Hello, Your interest towards feline is grabbing my attention. My favourite thing to see now is you feeding kittens. God, I love watching that. Flowers and cards make me happy, but you and cats – priceless. It’s like seeing a unicorn and bigfoot at the same time. I am sorry that I have infected you […]

an agnostic’s prayer

You have always been it. The refuge. The cave. Dark and calm. You are the home I have been searching for. It is always the same feeling of belonging when I am with you. You are the air that I want to breathe in. You were never everywhere. It was me who flew like a […]

enough to barter with

The weather was glorious. I remember the crimson coloured sky and the cozy breeze that came from the sea as I walked towards your car. Despite the calm weather, I was nervous. There was a turmoil going in my head. I could not even look at your face. I was too scared of finally having […]

the greatest disease of all

Sometimes, I don’t think I deserve this. Ever. I have nothing. After all, I am one to avoid. I am one not meant to be with anyone. I am.. empty. Not empty alone – just empty. Like my insides are all taken out so all you get is perhaps some leftovers. An empty vessel. I […]

yours

Two days ago, I had tears rolling on my cheeks as I drove away from you. It might not be a long separation, but I was sad. I felt lost. I felt as if there is a tether on my back tying me to you, and the car pulling me away. It really felt heavy […]

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