Funny isn’t it?
How some people continue to hope for some things that would never happen. Well, I do. I still do. Laugh at me all you want, mock me, jeer me. I don’t mind. I am a fool afterall.
Where should I begin? They say that curiosity killed the cat, in this case, I am the cat and she killed me. Desolation comes upon the skies they say and they are right. I was destroyed by the angel I raised. I could still picture the first day she came into my life. How her joyous and her vagrant ponytail waved as she sashayed her way into a seat infront of me.
I despise her, I hate how she manage to steal my attention every single time. I really hate having to sneak glances at her without she realising about it. I hate the fact that I have to keep a straight face every single time we conversed. But she was a different girl, the way she stared outside the window when the bus sped forward, the way her hair waved and brushed past my visage, her scent, her soothing voice, even when she threw me that sarcastic joke of her which has become her norms.
I feel calm, I hate the fact that I feel calm around her, the fact that she managed to tame me, I hate the fact that I used to raise my hand to god and ask for the time to come to a stand still when I’m around her. When we shared our moments and secrets, or when we exchanges punches or arguments or whenever both of us ran outside into the rain witnessed by the clouds and leaves. I hate the fact that other girls could never steal my sight the way she does, and I hate the fact that she gets on my nerves when there are other boys around her because I knew that deep within me, she deserves a better man, I could never and will never will be on the same league as her.
She deserves a funny,smart, strong and romantic guy and I’m none of that. I hate the fact that I actually place my feelings and my trusts in her hand. I hate how her hazel brown eyes decapitated me deep inside, how she could see right through my soul, the emotion we felt with each other without any words spoken, I hate that I missed our quiet times. How we stared into each other eyes and smiled simultaneously. I hate the fact that her pale smile managed to console my wrath, the way she wrapped her arms around me as I sunk into her chest weeping.
I hated the fact that I was weak but she becomes both my strength and my achilles heel. I hated how she shone brighter than the daffodils I embedded in my garden, I hated how the clouds and the winds rustled past you and embrace you . I hated the fact that I could never roll back the years and time. I hated the fact that I could never be the same again.
I hated the fact that god loves you more, but then again I have no choice but to embrace my fate for He loves you more, and you deserve a better place.
Al Fatihah, old friend….