After Heartbreak – 23rdJul19

I admit. It was hard when I broke up with him. You know who.

I wasn’t traumatized however it makes me realized,

That im not good. Not enough.

He is a good person.

And so was you.

Along the way through my life,

Even though I met someone else,

You were there.

And do you know when do I realised that?

Early this year.

When we are getting close.

Do you remember how we were always so close?

And then be apart.

And we’re close only to be apart again.

I don’t know why we’re like that.

But I guess I have the answer now.

It has always been you.

Youre the reason why it never worked out with someone else.

With him and few others.

I guess I never matched with others. The way I did with you.

All the years we were only friend,

Those people around me,

My friends, yours, ours,

They keep telling me about you.

Im not that strong willed.

My heart waver every time they mentioned you.

The way they talk,

Makes me feel like I deserved you.

When I actually don’t.

I know there’s always someone out there,

Better, prettier, kinder than I am

Could love you better.

Could treat you better.

Could give you all the love you deserved

Cause honey you do.

People like you, they just did.

And every time my thoughts spur that way,

I know, I just had to turn you down.

Youre too good.

Youre too kind.

Youre everything I could ever asked for,

But I couldn’t accept you.

Cause its me.

Im a mess.

Im still faltering.

Don’t know whether proposing to you was a good thing.

Whether accepting you was even the right thing to do.

It was the right thing,

Heck the best decision I made so far for me,

But im not sure if it is for you.

I am so afraid I might hurt you again.

So afraid that if it didn’t work out,

What would that cost you.

I know someone as special as you

Would definitely has someone better waiting at the end of the road.

I wish it was me.

No matter how many times I said im okay if we’re apart,

I know im not.

Screwed. That’s what I am.

Im so sorry you met someone so messed up.

Even loved her.

I wish the one that you loved still exist within me.

I don’t know what the future holds for us,

But if we’re not meant to be together,

Please know that you will always,

Always gonna be a part of me.

Trail of you in this broken heart of mine

Will never fade away

Because you are a special someone.

One that I always cherished,

And look forward to meeting.

No matter how far we were apart.

You were always there,

Even when youre not beside me.

I love you. Used to. Still am.

And I guess, forever will be.


smol. living.
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