I’m tracing every single feature that you choose to share with me with my own hands. Your rich tanned skin bland perfectly with the darkness of the early morning air. But still, that doesn’t stop me from adoring you while your eyes lay shut peacefully in the wake of my normal routine. Your supple lips produce the occasional breathe of air that I find so comforting in the eerie dark of the day. Once in a while, you move your head giving in to every single touch that I produce to your runny nose and lean torso as if you’re wanting more.
Nowadays, this kind of morning is hard to come by. Which makes every single moment that I have with you is the highlight of my day. You flinch as my cold hand reaches down your lower torso and you finally open your eyes slowly to meet mine. For a few moments, none of us says anything besides the occasional breathing sound and a soft moan comes out from your mouth while I look at you in the most satisfying way. Your body takes a deep sated breath before it falls down on the bed as you give me that permanent goofy smile that you always do when you’re happy.
The sound of my phone alarm takes that smile away from your charming face. I look at your saddened face, hoping to show how I hate this part of our treasured morning even though we’re not strangers to the separation anymore. I quickly get up and get dress to begin my long endless day again. Your eyes linger on me as I put on my jeans, my white t-shirt and my denim jacket but you never say a word. You never do even when your face always says that you should. Before walking to the door, I hold your hand and look at you for one last time. I know that my small, contemptuous smile is not enough to convince you that I will be back but you accept it nonetheless.
I exit the room and walk along the dark hallway slowly, almost tiptoeing towards the front door. Your house is a mess. I take it all in remembering the time when we were at my immaculate apartment when you said that the mess in yours means that it has been lived in. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I haven’t lived before I met you. The sound of a movement quickens my step out of your house and I reach for my car as fast as I could before life begins to fill in the silence of the neighbourhood.
I park my Prius at my usual spot as soon as i reach my apartment complex and get out of the car, carrying along the breakfast take out. My phone hasn’t stopped ringing ever since I was driving on the highway. So, getting annoyed by the idea of being wanted urgently by people other than you, I pick up the phone to the sound of my sister’s husky voice.
“I know you said not to call you anymore, but it’s Ben. He’s gone.”