These days, I can say that my life is pretty feverish and hectic. Not simply with my insane, unusual schedule in office even though i got many days of MC, and not forgotten, my feelings. They are everywhere. What’s more, not surprisingly, I don’t know whether I ought to ignore or cry it off. In any case, one thing without a doubt, I’m pretty messed up in the head at this moment. I’m certain I am not the only one who is harboring these doomed feelings and carrying them with me all day long . Some people around me are affected too. Yes, and it is all bcs of me. I realize that I brought this all on myself. I realize that I merit and deserve this. I’d do anything to not to be liddis. I’d do anything to make it up to everyone. What’s more, to not need to see them dismal and sad bcs of me especially my family.
At times, I simply wish that God or my parents or my friends or anybody would simply let me know what’s wrong with me. Just tell me how to change and be different in a way that makes sense to make this all go away and disappear. I realize that is wrong, but that it’s my responsibility, and I know that things deteriorate before they get better. But this is a worse that feels enormous. I don’t lament things. As they would stated, “everything happens for reason which is as it should be.” I might not know what the reasons are but I wish that wouldn’t have to know it at anyway. Since truth hurts and I don’t think I can deal with it any longer. A heart can withstand such a variety of agony and troubles when it is solid. But, evidently, mine isn’t. Boo hoo.
I think I made up my mind but it can change anytime.