i had a dream the other day. and like every other day i dreamt of you. just like every other dream, they hurt. this one, it broke me.
i remember every aching pain there is in that particular dream, because i lost you.
you died in my dreams.
and there’s life after that i won’t ever be strong enough to face it.
you left for good, and it pains in my heart knowing i will never get to look at you again.
it pains because i never get to say my last words.
it pains because it’s knowing i could never ever hear your voice again.
it pains because i felt like we had unfinished business.
you’re gone and it broke me, because i know nothing will ever be the same.
when i woke up the next day, i woke up crying.
because the pain remains.
i was scared, was petrified of never getting to say my last words to you.
i was scared of not letting out what i really feel for the last time.
i was scared for myself thinking i’ve done you wrong.
i was scared because i still love you.
so i wanted to text you. after so long that we never did.
i wanted to know if you’re alright, i wanted to know why we actually broke it off, i wanted to know if you’ve lied, i wanted to know why we end up so badly like this that we couldn’t even remain friends as we used to.
i wanted you to know i really cared for you.
i wanted to tell you every single thing over a phone call.
for a closure.
but i never did it.
i wasn’t strong enough to say things i shouldn’t, and my hands are tied.
every single dream of you was showing you’ve met someone new, and this is a dream where i’ve lost you.
i tried to acting like nothing happen but i know this one will leave me scarred so i buried it deep.
then i did try to act it at ease.
so i did the same to you as i did to all my guy friends.
they would bid me thank you,
though i don’t think you even read.
that was it, my blind spot.
i was hit by a racing car to know where i stand in your life.
i became a complete stranger, and you’re missing someone new when i’m missing you.
in my dreams, i lost you because you died. and i remember it very well that it broke me.
and when i wake up, the pain is still there,
knowing i’ve lost you still in another way.