A Portion of Memory

His heart was beating slowly out of exhaustion – exhaustion of a tiring day of classes he went through. Physically. He was physically exhausted. Never had he felt how it was to be emotionally drained all his life. Heck, its quite safe to say he has never felt anything all his life. If his life was to be described by one emoji, it’d simply be the poker face emoji. He walked into the cafe, hungry. He’s always hungry. Either its hunger for  food or  success. He’s always held onto Steve Jobs’ words – ‘stay hungry, stay foolish’.

Strutting slowly in the cafe, he saw a woman in black. So quickly did he fall for her that no one in the cafe even heard the sound. Its as if time froze and all his eyes could see was only her. And its been that way ever since that day – all he could ever see was her. His mind, analytical in nature, had always been performing immaculately in almost everything he does. But on that day, it went haywire. Blankly, he stood there for awhile, watching her scooping some gravy onto her plate of rice. And for the first time in his life, he admired an art.

As she turned her body towards him, her eyes met his. Those deep brown teardrop shaped eyes with the most curved eyelashes he’s ever seen. His gaze went a bit lower. He saw her perfectly carved lips but what really stopped his track was the dimples on her fluffy cheeks. The cheeks that he’d find out later was disliked by her because it was too chubby. Little did she know that it was his favourite part of her. Her slim figure walked towards him. “Hey”, she said. He smiled and walked away. “Why?” you might ask. Capturing every detail of her, his mind was completely in awe, unable to have muttered even the tiniest of words at the time when he had thousands of them dying to be poured out.

“Nasi tometo satu, makcik, bungkus”, he said that in autopilot mode. His brain was still wandering around her. And it still is ’till today. “Hi”, he said in his tiniest voice as he passed by her on his way out of the cafe with his packed food on his right hand. His vocal cords simply wouldn’t cooperate. It was almost impossible for her to have heard that. Not to be blamed, he was simply appreciating one of the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. And that was his only focus at that time. Capturing every little detail of it so that he could savour it one day. Maybe that day is today.

“Whatever I do, I must get to know her. No. I must get her. I must meet her. I must not hurt her. I must spend the rest of my life with her”, and just like that, all  the I musts in the world crossed his mind. All those excitement of whats to come flashing through his complicated brain. And so he did what he thought he must’ve done. She agreed to go out for a dinner with him. As cliche as it sounds, he was literally the happiest man on Earth – and the most nervous too. What if he screwed up?

“Ready for the awkwardest journey of your life?”, he asked her in a jest before starting their journey to the diner. She giggled – he died a little bit inside seeing her smile. Well so far its been the awkwardest journey in his life up until now. Awkwardest and the best journey he have had so far. And he’d have gone through it another thousand times if he was given the chance to. That night they talked as if they’ve known each other for a long time, even with a cringy live band playing in the background. Maybe that’s what they call a soulmate. Its as if the souls have known each other way before the body does.

As labyrinth as his mind gets, it forgets stuffs. He doesn’t want this journey to be forgotten so he writes it up here in hope that he could read it all again and feel it all as if its the first time. After all, he doesn’t mind going through this another thousand times. All journey comes to an end. Don’t cry because its over, smile because it happened.


“The whole conviction of my life now rests upon the belief that loneliness, far from being a rare and curious phenomenon, is the central and inevitable fact of human existence.”
– Thomas Wolfe.



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